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Seeing leaves him short of believing

When quarterback Elvis Grbac of the Kansas City Chiefs was named sexiest athlete by People magazine, Sports Illustrated quoted a teammate as asking: “Was that the Braille edition?”

Once a boaster, always a boaster

Former professional wrestler Jesse “The Body” Ventura, newly-elected governor of Minnesota, says people shouldn’t think his leap from sports to politics is so startling.

Ventura pointed out that two former football players, ex-Seattle Seahawks star Steve Largent and ex-Oklahoma Sooner J.C. Watts, are members of the House of Representatives.

“I don’t see any difference between a football player and a wrestler,” Ventura said, “just that we have more talent.”

If you can’t beat ‘em, lick ‘em

Comedian Jay Leno, after it was announced that Secretariat will be honored with a stamp:

“That shows you how strange life is for race horses. You win a race, you wind up on the front of a stamp. Lose a race, you wind up on the back.”

Unlike politicians, who become consultants.

See, Mr. President, confession’s not so hard

Ron Borges of the Boston Globe, announcing that he erred in reporting that quarterback Tony Banks of the St. Louis Rams had scored an 8 - an exceptionally low score - on the intelligence test given by NFL teams to college players:

“I wrote jokingly at the time that my daughter’s parakeet would score higher than an 8 pecking the test page. While true, that would not outscore Banks. Apparently, it would outscore me, however.”

So, what’s the punishment?

A federal judge ruled an Oral Roberts basketball player who pleaded guilty to selling crack cocaine can go on road games with the Golden Eagles.

U.S. District Judge Sven Erik Holmes agreed to lift travel restrictions imposed on Da’Monn Sanders. Sanders pleaded guilty last year to selling crack cocaine to an undercover informant in 1996.

Sanders has already served his prison time and is attending the university on three years’ supervised release. As part of that post-custody term, Sanders’ travel is restricted to the 11 counties that make up the federal Northern District of Oklahoma.

Oral Robert assistant coach Tommy Deffebaugh told the court Sanders has already made a positive contribution to the team and “opened a lot of our guys’ eyes” to how lucky they are.

If you say so, coach.

In a class by himself

Quixall Crossett, a British horse, has been in 80 races without finishing first.

“What would be ideal,” his trainer, Ted Caine, told Total Sport, “is a race with four (horses) and four prizes. If he finds himself among 15 or 20, he doesn’t like it.”

A one-horse race would be most like it.

The last word …

“We’re either having a season or we’re not. And that’s my statement to the fans.”

- Karl Malone, bringing radio listeners up to date on the NBA lockout.