No Offense, ‘Mertz’

Here’s the kick-off.

And we’re taking it in for six.

1. You can buy made-in-Sandpoint Litehouse salad dressings and dips in Jerusalem, we’re told.

2. That one term in our lexicon of snowboarder slang was not a reference to architect Marcel “Mertz” Wuts, a nice guy.

3. Agree or disagree: Most pumpkin pies disappoint.

4. Citing another gentleman’s research, Bob Kirlin noted that the WSU and UW campuses are farther apart than any other state’s University of X vs. X State University intrastate football-rivalry pairing.

5. We know about a clever prank perpetrated by a local Husky on a pair of his WSU alum neighbors. But never mind. We’re sworn to secrecy.

6. The problem with mountain-pass reports is the weather changes.

* Readers grab the wheel: If allowed to turn her South Hill home into a casino, Eva Eagle would call it “The Eagle’s Nest.”

Evelyn Miller might call her place “The Pull Whose Tab Emporium.”

In the matter of a superhero for Spokane, Debbie Hays proposed Wander Woman. “By day she flies from door to door extolling the virtues of bran and tofu … By night she resumes her human identity, Miss Penny Packer, a Spokanite in constant search for a cheap but good buffet restaurant.”

Phil Eggers explained that some stickers on apples include price codes that help cashiers ring up the fruit.

We heard plenty of dog-barking stories. But after mulling it, we’ve decided that printing these accounts might just make bad situations worse.

Tom Bright, who attended Post Falls High in the early ‘70s, definitely was aware at the time that at least one of his teachers was a knockout.

And in the matter of how to avoid hiring out-of-staters who will quickly decide they don’t like Spokane, we blended several readers’ comments and distilled them into one answer: The key is recruiting grown-ups willing to take responsibility for their happiness.

* Warm-up questions: Who around here goes to the most trouble, in terms of interior decorating, to hide the television? Who is the Inland Northwest’s No. 1 boyfriend thief?

* The envelope, please: Mark J. Jackson, director of congregational ministries at Spokane’s Central Lutheran Church, is the winner in our big business-card drawing for a Free Lunch With The Slice. Send in your card to be eligible for the next drawing.

* Today’s Slice question: In a surprise development, you have been chosen to host a new talk show, “Northwest Tonight.” Who do you want to have as your first guest?