Intercept Transgressor With A Tissue

Dear Miss Manners: Help! What does one say to a guest who uses your linen napkins to blow their nose at the dinner table? I have seen this disgusting habit in restaurants as well. I am at a loss as to how to handle this situation without offending the guest, other than not inviting them ever again!

Gentle Reader: That would be a good start. But Miss Manners senses that you want to deal with this transgression on the spot, so to speak.

All right, then. Hosts can’t criticize their guests, but they are supposed to show concern for them. You can show so much concern as to make a decided impression - rushing up with a tissue for the offender and snatching away the napkin, saying, “Oh, dear, I’ll get you a fresh one.” In a restaurant, you could signal a waiter to do the same.

Dear Miss Manners: Picture the following scene:

My wife and I are standing at the corner behind a tourist couple. The husband is loaded down with bags and the wife is chattering a mouthful. She says to him: “Let’s go to the mall, dear. I want to do a little more shopping.”

He replies: “Ah honey, let’s go back to the hotel. Besides the mall is about eight blocks away and my feet are tired. Haven’t we done enough shopping?”

My wife, who is standing behind them, says: “Excuse me. I couldn’t help overhearing what you were saying. The mall isn’t eight blocks away, it’s just a short walk. We are going there and you can come with us.”

The husband glares at my wife for this intrusion. She ignores him and concentrates on the wife, delightfully telling her about the White Flower sale.

Well, off we go, the two of them chattering and the husband grumbling all the way. He knew the mall was close by, but he lied to his wife. And my wife was not going to let him get away with it.

I tell you this story because I absolutely hate when people eavesdrop and then say, “I could not help but hear you, blah blah blah.” (And I tell my wife this daily to no avail.)

My wife really should be a tour guide. When we are out she can’t wait to proffer advice and suggestions to people, prefaced by, “I could not help hearing you… “

Yes she could. She is a snoop and wants to invade other people’s privacy.

If somebody asks for assistance, I will go out of my way to help them and even have on occasion taken people to their destination in my car.

But when people are talking, looking at a map, staring up and down the street, unless they ask me, I mind my own business. And this is the advice you should be giving to your readers. Go out of your way to help people, but if you snoop and they are saying the wrong thing, mind your own business. A husband headed the wrong way to a bathroom might be sneaking off for a smoke or some other mischief. Let him be. Generally speaking we Americans cannot wait to invade other people’s privacy and offer unsolicited advice. Your opinion, please.

Gentle Reader: Sir! Are you asking Miss Manners to deliver an opinion that your wife hasn’t requested and clearly doesn’t want?