Missing Ingredient ‘Simply Irresistible’ A Romance That Needs A Few Laughs

There’s a special kind of consistency involved in a comedy that contains not one laugh.

The 100 percent mirth-free movie in question is “Simply Irresistible,” which could be defined as a romantic comedy, provided that your definition of that term doesn’t require actual romance or comedy to be present. Sarah Michelle Gellar, who gets way better material on TV’s “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer,” plays a chef and, right off the bat, that’s a problem. She doesn’t look like she eats, much less cooks. You believe her as a cook like you believe Courtney Cox on “Friends” as a cook.

Gellar is developing a relationship with Sean Patrick Flanery (“Powder”), who has a disturbing tan and an even more disturbing arrogance. It goes without saying that there are no sparks between the two, and since there are no funny lines whatsoever, we have a lot of time to contemplate their non-combustibility.

The whole project has a flat, strained quality - the performers seem to be pausing for laughs that aren’t there. And, what with an enchanted crustacean who knows all/sees all, a fairy godfather, a love potion, magical eclairs and earrings with the power to generate love, “Simply Irresistible” is whimsical as hell.

The movie’s theme, if it can be said to have one, is much like the food/love connection so beautifully rendered in “Like Water for Chocolate,” but “Simply Irresistible” captures none of that movie’s romantic charm. Instead, it just lays there awkwardly, with its lengthy pauses, pointless montage sequences and the irritatingly wrong rhythm of a dripping faucet.

“Simply Irresistible” Locations: North Division, Spokane Valley Mall, Showboat Credits: Directed by Mark Tarlov, starring Sarah Michelle Gellar, Sean Patrick Flanery Running time: 1:35 Rating: PG-13