Don’T Wait Until The Fall To Start New

Q. Our daughter is in first grade. She loves school and has many friends.

We have been looking to relocate to a bigger home.

When my daughter has joined us on our homes tour, she expressed that she would still like to remain at her present school. Now we have put an offer on a home. Our plan is to move in six weeks and to continue commuting to her school so she can complete the school year. We plan to have her start second grade in the new school. I will enroll her in activities in our new location. I plan to tell her about a week before the move as I am trying to not create any anxiety about the unknown.

Are we handling this properly? It means a lot to me that I not diminish her love of school and her social skills.

A. Her wish to stay in her present school is the response of a well-adjusted 6-year-old. You can trust that her social skills and enjoyment of school will transfer with her to the new school.

I recommend making the transition during the school year, rather than waiting until fall. Changing schools when you move enables her to make friends immediately. Within days she’ll feel as if she belongs in her new class group.

This plan also allows her to meet classmates who live in the neighborhood, and to invite new friends over after school. Knowing school friends who live in her neighborhood is a big help in adjusting to change.

Waiting until next fall extends the period of time when she’ll be thinking about her old school and friends she left behind.

Transferring schools now also allows you and your husband to get to know other parents through school activities. You can join the carpools, volunteer in class, guide activities and otherwise extend the ties the family makes with the new area.

Six-year-olds usually judge the trauma of change by how their parents are responding. If you feel comfortable and enthusiastic, she’ll be less anxious.

Your confidence in her ability to handle the move helps a great deal.

Tell her about the move a few weeks in advance. Visit her new school, meet the personnel, and help her find her new classroom.

Q. I have a 4-year-old daughter, and recently remarried after divorcing my ex-husband two years ago. Her father is in the service and does not see her on a regular basis. My new husband’s family is wonderful to me and very loving toward my daughter.

The problem is my ex-husband’s parents live in the same town as we do, and they want to stay in touch with my daughter. I am not sure what to do. I know they love my daughter. I am afraid it might confuse my daughter to have so many grandparents in her life. (My parents are involved, too.) What obligation do I have toward her biological grandparents?

A. Your obligation is to be a wise mother and recognize that your daughter benefits from maintaining her relationship with her grandparents. A very important goal in a divorce is to minimize the disruptions in a child’s ties to family.

Encourage visits from her grandparents and her visits to them. Your daughter benefits from knowing cousins, aunts and uncles, and the history of her father’s family. This also keeps her in closer contact with her father.

You are fortunate to have your new in-laws’ support and caring. It’s not possible for kids to have too many people who love and care about them.