Cheap Seats
Hey, Bernie, they’ve already won
“Will the Bulls win a single game, a single quarter?” asks Bernie Lincicome of the Chicago Tribune. “Vancouver has circled the calendar. Denver is steamed that the Bulls can’t lose 71 games like the Nuggets did.
“ … And just who is going to play defense for the Bulls. Between them, (Toni) Kukoc and Brent Barry couldn’t cover a casserole.”
Must be a real page-turner
Golden State Warriors coach P.J. Carlesimo, who’s single, told Frank Deford of Sports Illustrated that he would prefer to be married, but “I haven’t found the right person yet.”
Said one of his former love interests, ABC sports announcer Lesley Visser: “I sort of knew it wasn’t going to work for us when, one time, we flew back together from the Final Four and P.J. spent the whole trip reading Dick Versace’s book on the 1-3-1.”
Kinda makes you want to choke the guy, huh?
Two peas in a pod
Steve Rosenbloom in the Chicago Tribune: “Several high school football players recruited by (Gary) Barnett at Northwestern ended up with Barnett at Colorado.
Meanwhile, when several players recruited by Rick Neuheisel at Colorado ended up following Neuheisel to Washington, Barnett called it unfair and questionable.
“Which is like the weasel calling the ferret rabid.”
Mile-high morons
Andrew Hansen, aide to Denver mayor Wellington Webb, after the downtown area was trashed after the Super Bowl: “It looked like the convention of the Idiots of America just let out.”
Tattoo artist needs a spellchecker
Cleveland Cavaliers guard Derek Anderson may want to get a refund for a tattoo he received in the off-season that has a typo. The tattoo reads “D.A., Prosecuter (sic) of No Limit.”
Anderson’s agent is rapper Master P, founder of No Limit records.
What’s there to learn?
New Sonics coach Paul Westphal isn’t expecting much from his first-round pick, Vladimir Stepania.
“Right now, he’s pretty lost,” Westphal said of his 7-footer… . He’s totally and understandably lost concerning NBA rules and defenses. He doesn’t understand what a foul is, or why he can push someone and get called and not have it happen to someone else. He has to learn what the league is all about.”
Push, shove, walk and dunk, and fit right in.
Too many punches?
Former Playboy bunny Mia Rosales St. John, who will fight on the Oscar De La Hoya-Ike Quartey undercard on Saturday, claims she got into boxing because she became bored with modeling.
`My passion for boxing is so great that sometimes at the end of the fight I even forget to pick up my paycheck,” she says.
The last word …
“They’ve got a good team on paper but they’d be lying to themselves if they think they won’t miss (Charles) Oakley. For 82 games, Oak was going to be there - if he wasn’t suspended.”
- New Jersey Nets guard Sam Cassell on the New York Knicks