It Might Not Be Human

Walking through the halfway house known as the sidewalk outside the STA Plaza, we spotted a driver friend standing next to his bus.

Someone was talking to him, but we stuck out a hand. When we attempted to withdraw, our friend the driver refused to release the handshake. Then we saw the look in his eyes and understood.

We glanced at the other person standing there and heard the “Twilight Zone” theme.

* Defining the gap between media images and the real world: “Adventure sports and Gen-Xers,” wrote Paul and Julie Creelman of Pullman. “There is this in-your-face trend to push wild and unfathomable extreme activities in our faces with no basis in reality. In our 29 years, we have never snowboarded off cliffs or in-line skated down stairwells.”

* Kitchens in need of remodeling: We heard from a Spokane couple who have one with flooring so off-putting it scares their dog.

It’s a dated pattern featuring browns and yellows. “It’s hideous,” the husband said cheerfully.

* You can’t stand around them if they aren’t there: A friend who has worked in several different offices confided that he has never taken part in a water-cooler conversation.

* Another bashed Heroy and Hill ‘N Dale: One reader was astonished that we left Ralph off our list of worst street names in Spokane.

* Report to our readers: In the matter of coming up with Slice-themed give-away items, we’re still waiting for someone here at the Swell Paper to step up and say, “Paul, I’ll take care of that for you.”

And after an encouraging start, business card submissions for our monthly “Free Lunch With The Slice” drawing have dwindled to such a pathetic trickle that we’re probably going to be forced to pretend that no such offer ever existed.

Here are our theories.

1. A lot of people don’t have cards.

2. Many thought it was a joke.

3. Rumor about our table manners.

4. Fear of being weirded out if it turns out we actually refer to ourselves as “we” in person.

5. Many readers afraid of being forced to talk about cats.

6. It was something we said.

7. Rather have the truck you want at a price you can afford.

8. Afraid it would take longer than the 15 minutes you allot for lunch.

9. No T-shirt? Forget it.

10. Widespread lack of interest.

11. Nothing to wear.

12. Belief that there’s no such thing as a free lunch.

* Today’s Slice question: Do you remember the Air Force’s B-58?