Do You Know Any Semi-Celebs?

Spokane needs some new pseudo-celebrities.

You know, people marginally famous for nothing more than being marginally famous.

We’re ready to get the ball rolling. All we need are some nominations.

* “We’re making good time”: Hey, kids! Next time your family is on a summer vacation road trip and your parents don’t want to pull over at a rest stop even though you really need to go, try one of these lines:

1. “When the doctor asks me what happened to cause these internal injuries, I’ll just explain that my Dad had a strict timetable.”

2. “It’s gonna blow!”

3. “Does anybody have the number for the Jerry Springer Show?”

4. “I’m about to have an out-of-body experience.”

* Slice answers: Joni Lueck, 39, of Athol, Idaho, still recalls the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches made by her aunt, Georgina Wilkinson of Thompson Falls, Mont.

“She would prepare the sandwiches on white bread and put them on a broiler pan and into the oven on broil,” wrote Lueck. “It would all melt together and be nicely browned on both sides. Then add a glass of milk — Carnation, of course. (My uncle had a Carnation milk route back in those days.)”

Several others were praised for their even spreading techniques. At least a few readers seemed especially impressed with those who applied the peanut butter and the jelly all the way out to the crust.

And Sarah Crigger told about a recent dream in which a Spokane Valley garbage collector - a co-worker of hers - instructed her in the art of making a “five-star peanut butter and jelly sandwich.”

“I told him about the dream and he says he doesn’t eat PB&J,” she wrote. “The thing is, neither do I.”

* View from the front porch: “When driving home from work, women seem to drive faster than men.” - Archie Cernaghan, Coeur d’Alene

* Guesswork: We regularly walk past a yard that has a fence adorned with a sign. “Beware of the Dog,” it says.

The thing is, there are two canines.

We’ve asked the dogs which of them we’re supposed to be worried about. But they’re not saying.

* Three things to consider:

1. It’s perfectly appropriate to feel insulted by empty political rhetoric.

2. “This Modern World” is the best thing in The Inlander, a publication that once described your Slice host as “an aging columnist.”

It’s not true. We’ve been cryogenically frozen since 1988.

3. Some Slice readers pack heat.

* Today’s Slice question: What happened when you moved to take the car keys away from a drunk?