Cheap Seats

One solution to mysteries on the mound

Ed Price of the Mesa (Ariz.) Tribune reports that in the seventh inning of an Arizona Diamondbacks-New York Mets game May 7, the pitchers were Holmes (Darren) and Watson (Allen).

Solutions in another vein

Rico Petrocelli, all-star shortstop for the Boston Red Sox in the 1960s, was reminiscing with Gordon Edes of the Boston Globe when the name of Frank Howard, who had graduated to the big leagues from the Spokane Indians, came up.

“Six-foot-eight, 320 pounds,” recalled Petrocelli, of the former Dodgers and Washington Senators slugger. “He had this jugular vein in his neck that must have been 3 inches wide. He had this habit (like a twitch), you couldn’t help but notice when that vein came out.

“After the game, he drank a case of beer like I drank a Coke.”

Every guy needs a hobby

James Cottingham is a golf nut - make that a golfball nut. An anesthesiologist from Corpus Christi, Texas, Cottingham estimates he has collected 7,705 balls since his obsession began nine years ago.

He finds about 2,000 balls a year during trips to Hawaii - even in lava beds - and about half are usable. Cottingham has found he can fit 840 in an ice chest for the flight home.

“I casually fell into this, then I realized it was a disease,” said the 61-year-old Cottingham. “There’s a fine line between hobbies and sanity.”

Stop, James, you’re putting us to sleep.

Driving Miss Pushing-Up-Daisies

Sports stars get strange requests from fans, but few as strange as seven-time Winston Cup stock car champion Dale Earnhardt, who was asked to attend the funeral of one of his fans - and drive the hearse.

So, let’s wheel and deal

Writes Bob Keisser in the Long Beach Press-Telegram:

Today’s quiz: What do the Los Angeles Lakers have in common with key characters in the film “The Wizard of Oz?”

Answer: No heart, no brains, no courage.

The dead-fit, dead-broke daily double

A new magazine called Stuff reports that Pedal ‘n’ Play will soon be available on some cruises and in Atlantic City and Las Vegas. It’s an exercise bike wired to a slot machine.

So, presumably, you can lose weight and your bankroll at the same time.

They only date losers

Before the start of a series in Cleveland, ex-teammates Roberto Alomar of the Indians and Baltimore’s Brady Anderson got together.

“We were talking tennis,” Anderson said. “We asked each other how come our girlfriends can’t beat Venus Williams.”

Anderson’s girlfriend is touring tennis pro Amanda Coetzer of South Africa, and Alomar is engaged to Mary Pierce of France, who’s also high in the rankings.

The last word …

“I knew I’d be nervous, but I didn’t think I’d be `that’ nervous.”

- Tampa Bay left-hander Alan Newman, who managed to balk in a run before throwing his first big-league pitch