Jacob Is Too Generous

Tue., Nov. 2, 1999

By Paul Turner srpaulturner@gmail.com

You never know what you’re going to find left behind in a church pew.

On Sunday, we discovered a pledge card partially filled out by a youngster named Jacob.

You might have seen these cards before. They essentially offer congregation members an opportunity to formalize a financial commitment to the church. The amount is left up to the individual.

You can promise to give a certain amount each week or each month. Or you can just list an annual pledge total.

At the Spokane church in question, filling out such a card is an optional matter. And it’s not something that gets brought up over and over. But clearly, young Jacob had decided to take the plunge.

Printing in pencil and showing every sign that he had not been writing for many years, he studied the blank next to the “weekly” contribution designation.

Then he wrote in “$75.”

How generous. That’s a lot of money for a little kid.

Then, in an unusual step, he also specified a monthly contribution level. He wrote in “$1,000.”

One has to assume that would put a dent in his allowance.

But Jacob wasn’t through. He also designated an annual level of giving.

His pledge was for “$1,000,000.”

Wow. It must be true, what they say about Episcopalians.

Jacob neglected to turn in his pledge card. So we picked it up. And we’ll drop it off at the church office next time we’re by there.

The budget committee might want to send Jacob a thank-you note.

* Just a thought: What if drivers with vanity license plates paid an extra $30,000 a year in taxes?

* Slice answer: “Re: Your pathetic plea for free material in relation to `What kind of winter are we going to have (and how can you tell)?’ My Indian friends on the Colville Reservation generally come pretty close to getting it right by watching how much firewood we white guys cut.” — Skip Hensler

* Another pathetic plea: Tell The Slice about the time you accidentally knocked yourself unconscious.

* Slice answer: “It will be the end of an era around here when…there’s no one left who can speak or understand the Spokane/Salish language.” — Tina Wynecoop

* Warm-up questions: Since the move to the temporary school site, has one LC kid ever used a crosswalk downtown? Are the people whose leaves were blown into our yard Sunday planning to come get them?

* Today’s Slice question: What state is home to the greatest percentage of residents who have no idea what or where Spokane is?

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