‘Three To Tango’ Lacks Script, Star Power

TV stars are always struggling to get movie roles, and the irony is that, when the stars get them, they stink.

Matthew Perry (“Friends”), Neve Campbell (“Party of Five”) and Dylan McDermott (“The Practice”) have considerably better material on their own shows than they do in “Three to Tango.” The script is frantic, hyper and desperate in the manner of some dreadful ‘60s sitcom, and the leading performers all sport sheens of sweat to show the effort required to bring it off. Or maybe it’s just flop sweat.

In addition to the dampness issue, there’s the stature issue. I kept thinking of toddlers playing dress-up because none of these actors has the authority to command the big screen. Especially if you consider that if this movie had been made in the prime era of romantic comedies, the ‘30s and ‘40s, it would have starred genuine adults like Jean Arthur, Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart. In the ‘40s, this movie also would have had a script in which the occasional witty line didn’t have to compete for space with a running vomit gag and stereotyped characters.

The story is about a tycoon (McDermott) who, mistakenly thinking an associate (Perry) is gay, asks him to baby-sit his girlfriend (Campbell). Very predictable, up until the finale which, in the spirit of equal human rights, demonstrates that a gay-empowerment message can be just as sappy and icky as a straight one.

* Locations: Lincoln Heights, North Division, River Park Square, Spokane Valley, Coeur d’Alene Cinemas. * Credits: Directed by Damon Santostefano; starring Matthew Perry , Neve Campbell, Dylan McDermott. * Running time: 1:38 * Rating: PG-13