Expert Has Positive Plan For Parenting Psychiatrist Believes It’S Important To Build On What’S Working In Parent-Child Relationship
Victor Bernstein’s philosophy of building positive parent-child relationships is simple: Focus on what already works.
“We’ve learned that if you relate to people around their problems, they begin to see themselves as their problems,” says Bernstein, associate professor of child psychiatry at the University of Chicago. He is a noted researcher and trainer on parent-child relationships, particularly within troubled communities.
“Those of us in the helping professions need to focus on what’s already nurturing in relationships and build on that,” he says.
Bernstein will offer techniques on achieving that end in an upcoming workshop in Spokane. “Helping Parents Develop Better Relationships With Their Children,” will be held at the Mukogawa Fort Wright Commons, Sept. 13 and 14.
“I’m really looking to this workshop as having a strong effect on how helping professionals practice in this community,” says Mary Ann Murphy, director of Casey Family Partners, the workshop’s sponsor.
Casey Family Partners is a Spokane center for the evaluation and treatment of children and families affected by child abuse and neglect. The center will be offering a parent-child interaction group for its clients this fall and is considering adopting Bernstein’s training model for that group.
“His theory, and our theory too, is that the parent-child relationship is the most important thing,” says Murphy. “But the traditional model in the helping professions is to look for what’s wrong and then try to correct it. What Bernstein does is look at the relationship, two people growing together, and discover the many things they are doing right.”
A key piece in that discovery and the core of Bernstein’s workshop is the use of video tapes. It’s a technique Bernstein has been using for years as part of an Illinois program to prevent child abuse and neglect.
“I really do believe that all parents love their children,” says Bernstein. “But poverty and stress in general can interfere with the children getting that nurturing message. Videos help to reorient parents to their children.”
Part of that reorientation is teaching parents the difference between caretaking providing food, shelter, clothing and nurturing showing children that they are special, loved and heard by the parent.
Families are videotaped during the course of a normal day’s activities. Family members are encouraged to relax and have fun with the process. Later, the parents and professional view the tape together, watching all the wonderful things the children are doing and how the parents support and encourage them.
“It helps the parent to be the person they would like to be with their children if stress weren’t getting in the way,” Bernstein says.
The videos, according to Murphy, also help professionals transform their work into a genuine partnership with the family.
“If I’m looking at a tape with other professionals, my tendency might be to judge,” says Murphy. “To turn the parents into objects. But if I’m watching with the parent, I’m looking to highlight what’s going well here that can lead to more growth and development. It’s such an important shift in our practice to do it that way.”
Response to the conference has been overwhelming.
“We thought we might get 50 attending. But we already have 200 registered and they represent a wide variety of community agencies. I think they’ll come away from the workshop with the confidence that helping people like this is really gratifying and fun.”
WORKSHOP Parenting Victor Bernstein’s free parenting workshop will be Sept. 13 and 14. Though geared toward professionals, the public is welcome. Space is limited. Call Casey Family Partners by Tuesday for reservations, (509) 473-4810.