Cheap Seats

Coach receives potty training

Cleveland Browns football is a tradition born of years of success dating back to Paul Brown’s daysin the 1950s and of a knowledge of the game that runs deep throughout the state. Ohio is football country, and Cleveland is the capital of that country.

Just ask newcomer Chris Palmer, the coach of the Browns.

“I took my wife and kids to dinner and I went to the men’s room and there were a couple of guys in there who’d had a few drinks. One of them says, `Hey, you’re the coach,’ and I say I am and nice to meet them and go into a stall.

“Next thing I hear is a guy tapping on the stall saying, `Hey, coach, throw the ball more.’ When I got back to our table I told my wife, `The bathroom wants me to pass more.”’

Let’s not play two

From The New York Times: A bleacher bum in the rightfield stands at Wrigley Field calls an usher over and says:

“These guys are bothering me.”

“Which guys?” the usher asks.

The fan points to the Cubs.

But hey, what about Sammy?

Bernie Lincicome in the Chicago Tribune on Sammy Sosa: “(Sosa) has turned Chicago into four can’t-miss moments a day, which is four more than there would be without him, or sometimes six moments if extra innings are bungled into. Whatever, more Sammy is a bonus to be cherished.

Why bother buying a ticket?

Denver Post sportswriter Jim Armstrong lists his reasons why it’s better to watch a game at home:

1, The beer is cheaper;

2, No traffic;

3, No lines at the bathroom; and 4, cops are not likely to tear-gas you in your own living room.

Pass the 7-iron and the defibrillator

Golf Digest and the American Heart Association are urging golf clubs to stock better medical equipment on the course.

“An AHA study found that golf courses are among the most common places where heart attacks occur - and that survival rates are less than 5 percent.”

The last word …

“It had to happen sooner or later. The rigors of coaching are starting to take their toll on Rick Neuheisel. He looked at least 17 the other night on TV…” - Denver Post sportswriter Jim Armstrong