Don’T Pin Hopes On ‘Rumble’

Movie math: An Adam Sandler Movie minus Adam Sandler equals zero.

“Ready to Rumble” has the old lady from “The Wedding Singer,” the kind of lowbrow premise Sandler favors and all the poop and puke jokes you could want, but it lacks the personality that Sandler brings to this type of thing.

His part, the nice, hapless loser who ultimately triumphs, is divided between two actors in “Ready to Rumble” — Scott Caan (“Varsity Blues”) and David Arquette (the “Screams”) — but two times zero is still zero.

Caan and Arquette play a couple of Wyoming boys who are obsessed with Jimmy King (Oliver Platt, whose instinct for awful material is unerring and who enacts a scene wearing a goatee and a long wig so that he looks like Sonny and Cher), a deposed wrestler they believe should be back on top.

So they track him down, suit him up and deposit him in a cage match for the World Championship Wrestling heavyweight title.

It’s not a great premise — you can see better wrestling, better scripts and better acting on Monday Night Nitro — but it might have been amusing if anyone who worked on this project cared enough to come up with something good.

Instead, we get slumming supporting actors such as Martin Landau and Rose McGowan, dopey jokes about nuns and toilets, and stranded stars who look like they’re in a world of hurt, even when they’re supposed to be acting happy.

You can’t blame them. This is the kind of movie you make one or two of at the beginning of your career so you won’t have to make them anymore.

It’s also the kind of movie that includes an insensitive joke in which a stereotypically gay guy in Wyoming is trussed up and beaten senseless by goons (note to “Ready to Rumble” filmmakers: Have you heard of Matthew Shepard?).

Fortunately, it’s also the type of movie that will be in theaters only for about a week.

This sidebar appeared with the story: “Ready to Rumble”

Locations: North Division, River Park Square, Spokane Valley, Coeur d’Alene Cinemas.

Credits: Directed by Brian Robbins, starring David Arquette, Scott Caan, Oliver Platt, Rose McGowan, Bill Goldberg, Martin Landau, John Goodman.

Running time: 1:50

Rating: PG-13