Tears Can Cleanse And Heal

Sat., April 8, 2000

Paul Graves The Spokesman-Revie

For many pastors, conducting funerals seems to come in bunches. That happened to me shortly into the year 2000: none for a time, then three in one week.

One of the Scriptures I renewed a frequent friendship with was the “for everything there is a season” passage in Ecclesiastes 3. I hadn’t used that passage for a long time, but then found it appropriate both for grieving families and myself.

I can’t speak for those who heard “… a time to be born, and a time to die …” But for me, the rhythm of life so eloquently witnessed in this poem has become much more real since I gave myself permission to relinquish more of the emotional baggage I’ve carried for years.

In my poetic effort to connect weeping and laughing two weeks ago, I wasn’t conscious of “a time to weep, and a time to laugh.” But that phrase was obviously caressing my heart.

Now, I’m not the determinist or fatalist that many biblical interpreters find in this famous time of seasons. I do believe we play some role in choosing which life-rhythm will impact our lives at any given time. Whatever degree of freedom we might have, we give ourselves and those with whom we live a wonderful gift when we “live into the season” that we experience at any given moment.

This is certainly true in regard to the season of tears in which I find myself. The brief description of tears that Frederick Buechner shares in “Whistling in the Dark: An ABC Theologized” speaks passionately to me at this point. Depending on the season in which you find yourself, you may or may not agree:

“You never know what may cause them. The sight of the Atlantic Ocean can do it, or a piece of music, or a face you’ve never seen before. A pair of somebody’s old shoes can do it. … You can never be sure. But of this you can be sure. Whenever you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest attention.

“They are not only telling you something about the secret of who you are, but more often than not God is speaking to you through them of the mystery of where you have come from and is summoning you to where, if your soul is to be saved, you should go next.”

Pay attention to your tears!

I was paying attention to tears last weekend. On Saturday, my wife and I spent time with a close friend who had received a preliminary but scary mammography report. She didn’t realize that not having a full report meant she would draw so much on the aquifer of tears deep inside of her. Sharing those tears with us and another close friend last weekend helped wash some of her fears away. Those tears also helped her begin to heal the wounds caused by her fears.

Then on Sunday, we received a dreadful call from another close friend from our seminary days of three decades ago. She and her husband have been the kind of friends that you don’t see for five-plus years but pick up on conversations like you had seen them just yesterday. She called to tell us Jim had died very suddenly on Saturday from a heart attack.

Tears were in her voice. Tears were in our eyes and hearts as we fumbled for words. Tears often speak more eloquently than any words we can say or hear. For a man whose ability with words has been so important for many years, I’m learning anew the power of shedding tears, of seeing tears. Thanks, I needed that!

But the season of tears does not only include tears of fear and compassion. Joyful tears must take their rightful place, also. I will speak more to tears of joy in two weeks on Easter Saturday. But with the tears of fear I saw and the tears of compassion I shed last weekend, I also experienced tears of joy on Monday.

As you read this, I will be returning from a business trip to Indianapolis, with a long layover in Chicago. Last Monday, I discovered that my son and his family will drive from Milwaukee to Chicago to share a few hours of joy with me. I even cry a bit as I write of the anticipation of seeing our granddaughters.

For everything there is a season … a time to weep and a time to laugh. Whatever is God’s grand scheme for human beings as we live and work together, we all move through our own seasons of life-rhythms. Sometimes our season-of-the-moment clashes against someone else’s. Sometimes our seasons embrace one another.

Living in my own season of tears has certainly reminded me of that. But as I pay attention to my tears, I discover God flowing inside each droplet. What do you find?

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