Who’S Laughing At Whom Now?

Tue., Aug. 15, 2000

By Paul Turner srpaulturner@gmail.com

Sometimes the uncool get the last laugh.

Ever see some kid wearing a backward ballcap flop into a high-backed chair and essentially get bonked by his own hat?

* Hummus and Horseradish Department: There’s a choice to be made in life. You can either worry about your breath, or you can order what you really want at lunch.

* Top 25 underutilized relationship-partner labels: 1. Mr. Temporary; 2. Miss Mood-swing; 3. Anger Woman; 4. The Lowered Standard; 5. Baffled Man; 6. Ms. Whatisitnow; 7. The Human Flaw; 8. Miss Congeniality; 9. Unhappyface; 10. Mr. Man; 11. Mr. Green Jeans; 12. Mrs. PotatoHead; 13. Girly Man; 14. Dr. Strange; 15. Wrestlemania; 16. The Walking Need For a Shower; 17. The Theater Major; 18. Jumbotron; 19. Story Problem; 20. Mr. Sensitive Earring Man; 21. Mr. Double Secret Probation; 22. Miss Thang; 23. Mr. Needy; 24. My Future Ex; 25. Queen of Colds and Flu.

* Just wondering: Do people who work at the Europa restaurant ever refer to themselves as having careers on Wall Street?

* Staples: There’s something about seeing a little kid pushing one of those miniature shopping carts in a grocery store that cracks us up - especially when the cart contains a six-pack of beer.

* Localized movie title: “How Gone Is My Valley.” - David Emerson

* Just wondering: If you landed a great new job somewhere else, which of your current co-workers would be most likely to attempt to undercut your achievement by saying one of the following behind your back?

a.) “They must have been looking for someone affordable.”

b.) “Well, it’s no secret that she looks good on paper.”

c.) “That’s not exactly my idea of a dream set-up.”

d.) “I wonder if he knows what he’s getting himself into.”

e.) “With the cost of living and all, it probably doesn’t work out to be much of a bump.”

* Cheapskate tips: “1. Cancel your newspaper subscription and read your news online. 2. Shop in Idaho for lower sales tax.” - Bruce Werner

* At this very moment: A yellowjacket is waiting for you to go outside with a can of cola. When you aren’t looking, the winged stinger will climb into the can. Then, when you take your next swig - SURPRISE.

* Today’s Slice question: What was the most confusing social invitation you’ve ever received in the mail?

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