Any Given Cliche

So far, Oliver Stone’s “Any Given Sunday” is a box office hit, but one of the director’s fans, Skip Bayless of the Chicago Tribune, calls the film’s script as feeble as the Cleveland Browns.

“He took every NFL cliche he could squeeze into 2 hours, 40 minutes and injected them with celluloid steroids,” Bayless wrote. “He doesn’t make you think as much as he makes your head hurt.

“He relies on the mind-numbing volume of over-the-top collisions and bang-bang appearances of former stars Jim Brown, Lawrence Taylor, Dick Butkus and Johnny Unitas to distract audiences from the absence of compelling plot or enlightening characterization.”

Apparently he didn’t like the movie.

When five cents equals a quarter

The rate of inflation rose 18.6 percent between 1991 and 1997.

During that same time, according to a study by University of Oregon sports marketing professor Dennis Howard, the average price of a baseball ticket rose 37.5 percent.

And that was relatively low. In the NFL, tickets jumped 46 percent. In the NBA, it was 56.3 percent, and in the NHL, 77.

Off to an early start

Baseball season is a long way off, but Bob Verdi of the Chicago Tribune already is in midseason form.

“For a while,” he wrote recently, “the question was not whether the Cubs should open the 2000 season in Tokyo, but should they stay there?”

They can’t even win an argument

Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Carl Pickens blasted management for announcing that coach Bruce Coslet would be back next season for the final year of his contract.

“We’re trying to win; we’re trying to turn this thing around out there. And they bring him back,” Pickens said.

Within hours, Pickens apologized for his “ill-advised” remarks.

Ill-advised? The Bengals are 21-35 under Coslet, who took over during the 1996 season when Dave Shula’s record reached 19-52 in four-plus seasons. Under Coslet, Shula and Sam Wyche, Cincinnati is 52-107 in the 1990s - the most losses ever by an NFL team in a decade.

And you can quote him on that

The greatest sports quote of the 20th century, says Jayson Stark of the Philadelphia Inquirer, was Yogi Berra’s “It’s deja vu all over again.” No. 2 is from pitcher Larry Andersen: “Why does everybody stand up and sing `Take Me Out to the Ball Game’ when they’re already there?”

The last word …

“I think Tiger plays the game for titles, and I don’t think money will affect him.

“Even at 23, I don’t think he can spend what he’s made.”

- Jack Nicklaus on Tiger Woods.