Cheap Seats
A patent on fashion
Tony Kornheiser of the Washington Post was in a “mea culpa” mood last weekend after what he did to Deion Sanders of the Washington Redskins:
“Last week, I made a terrible fashion faux pas in describing Deion’s white shoes as `patent leather.’ My Man informed me they weren’t patent leather at all; they were `gator skin.’ Deion would only wear patent leather with a tuxedo. …
“`How could you hurt me like that?’ Deion said after Sunday’s game. `You almost killed me… . I’m the No. 1 seed in the league (in fashion), and you hurt me.’
“For the record, Deion was seasonally appropriate Sunday, wearing a three-piece plaid suit, boldly brown and tan, in what I would call a nouveau-upholstery pattern, with a pink shirt and brown alligator shoes.”
Deep-sea dumping
Comedy writer Jerry Perisho: “Indiana basketball coach Bobby Knight was fired while on a fishing trip. While L.A.
Dodgers manager Davey Johnson was on a fishing trip, the team announced he would be fired.
“I have a prediction: About 20 games into the NBA season, the Clippers’ coaching staff will be asked to go fishing.”
NHL’s ticket to the top
Bernie Lincicome of the Rocky Mountain News is ready to embrace hockey:
“I am hereby nominating the cold-steelon-ice game for the sport of the ‘00s, and I’m not saying it will be easy.
“Just a couple of suggestions. Stop dressing like indistinguishable heaps of laundry and quit slipping on and off the ice without bothering to let the vendors know.
“My final suggestion is this: Electronically identify the players. Whoever is in contact with the puck glows like a lantern.”
Twisted logic
On July 21, 1975, New York Yankees manager Joe Torre, playing for the New York Mets, tied a major-league record by hitting into four double plays, each time after Felix Millan had singled just before Torre came to bat.
“What’s everyone blaming me for,” Torre said afterward. “Blame Felix. I wouldn’t have hit into the double plays if he hadn’t hit singles.”
Sleep it off?
Steve Rosenbloom in the Chicago Tribune: “The NHL has formed a committee of players, executives and doctors to determine how they can cut the alarming number of concussions. The problem is not new. Even in the old days, players had concussions.
“`Except,”’ said St. Louis scout Bob Plager, “`we thought they were hangovers.”’
The last word …
“The Olympic ratings were so low that in Salt Lake City for the Winter Games, they are already asking for their bribe money back.”
- Jay Leno