Call Him Al

Please forgive me if I have a slight case of whiplash, but I have spent many hours this week being jerked back and forth between the stultifyingly earnest (“Gore introduces legislation creating Earth Day”) and the pantingly romantic (“Love Story,” starring Al and Tipper).

Yes, this is the roller-coaster world of Al Gore, statesman and Love God.

Today we embark on Part Two of a three-part series in which we delve deeply into the psyches of the presidential candidates. Well, not exactly deeply, and not exactly their psyches. What we are delving into are their images, as conveyed in their TV ads and Web sites.

The Gore-Lieberman 2000 Web site (www.algore.com) is especially innovative, possibly because Al Gore invented the Internet. For instance, it has a fabulous feature called the “Gore 2000 HQ Cam.”

A camera has been mounted in Gore’s campaign headquarters in Nashville. Every few seconds, the photo is updated to show the world exactly what is transpiring in the Gore war room.

I watched with fascination as a photo of a lonely campaign worker slouched at a computer turned as if by magic into a photo of a lonely campaign worker who had shifted slightly lower in his seat. (Apparently, it was “after-hours” at Gore HQ.)

This fascinating Web-cam presentation goes on for week after thrilling week, with, I am sure, exciting images of entirely different people slouched at computers or maybe talking on phones. As it turns out, Gore 2000 HQ Cam is the perfect metaphor for Gore’s Web site and TV ads.

What the Gore campaign attempts to convey is not pure, visceral excitement. What the campaign attempts to convey is “Gore introduces National Organ Transplant Act.”

That is an actual headline on the Al Gore Timeline. The timeline is a mini-history of Gore in which you can scroll through a list of all of Gore’s worthy and important accomplishments. And let me tell you, this is a man who has accomplished many, many such things.

That’s why the Al Gore Timeline contains the following milestones:

“Gore helps lead Congressional hearings on price-gouging by pharmaceutical industry.”

“Gore introduces the Supercomputer Networks Act of 1986.”

“Gore delivers first televised speech on the House floor.”

“Al Gore receives recognition as the post soldier of the month while serving at Ft. Rucker, Ala.”

Now, there is nothing wrong with a candidate running on his achievements. But here’s a tiny bit of advice for the Gore camp: Don’t stretch for it. Unless that “soldier of the month” thing also included use of a free parking space, I wouldn’t have mentioned it.

These lists of accomplishments tend to make his videos just slightly tedious and slightly boastful. For instance, “The Al Gore Story” video features his former editor at the Nashville Tennessean saying, “It was one of the most important news stories ever to break in this community, and he broke it.”

The story? A sewer-line expansion controversy.

The Web site also makes plenty of hay about Gore’s deep roots and good Southern raisin’. The Al Gore Timeline says that he “worked for his father on the family farm, getting up before dawn to help feed the livestock, cleaning the hog parlors and helping to clear and plow the fields.”

Later, in the video, an old family friend says, “His father wanted to make sure that he had the knowledge of the dirt.”

This could be misconstrued, considering the administration Gore has been connected with, but fortunately, the old family friend hastens to clarify, “… And the grassroots of what life is all about.”

There is very little mention, however, of a slightly different heritage. In addition to slopping the hogs, the young Al Gore also attended St. Alban’s Academy.

This explains at least one mystery in his campaign image. When Al goes “casual,” he doesn’t usually wear work shirts, or cowboy shirts with snaps, the way his opponent from Texas does. He wears knit polo shirts. This, I think, is probably “St. Alban’s casual,” as opposed to “hog-sloppin’ casual.”

Now, I don’t find any of the above weird or particularly objectionable. If your candidate is Al Gore, it makes perfect sense to focus on your man’s experience and heritage.

No, what I find weird - and somehow titillating - are the continual love-paeans to Tipper. We’re all familiar with The Kiss, but let me tell you something, undercurrents of Al-Tipper-love go far beyond The Kiss. They run all through the Web site and videos.

We see pictures of young Al and Tipper dressed up for the prom. We see pictures of them gazing into each other’s eyes. We hear Tipper saying things like, “That’s the young man I fell in love with, and that’s the man I’m still in love with as well.”

Finally, we see Tipper’s favorite photo of Al, one she took herself. “The picture is one of Al shaving and turning and looking at me,” she said. “To this day, that’s my favorite picture of Al, because you can see the love in his eyes.”

You can also see the shaving cream smeared all over his face. He’s nothing but lips, eyes and tousled hair. Al Gore as Prince.

Of course, as Bill Clinton’s VP, Gore must show that the Oval Office will once again be a sanctuary of marital love. But my advice once again: Don’t stretch for it.

Tipper later offers this loving assessment of her husband’s qualities: “The person I know is a kind, compassionate person, he has a powerful mind, he’s a great leader. But the most important thing is, he’s a great father and good husband.”

Frankly, that’s not the most important thing. However, I will grudgingly admit this much: “Love Crazy” is a much hotter story than “Gore introduces National Organ Transplant Act.”