Identify With Your ‘Shadow’ Part

Dear Nancy: I’ve had this recurring nightmare since I was a child. I’m 47 years old, and though it’s been a couple of years since I had it, I would love to know your thoughts on it. Each time I have it, I wake up in a panic. -Jack

I’m running as fast as I can from a black shadow. Sometimes I feel it closing in on me. During the dream I often run into a Catholic church, where I find refuge. In the church I can hear the shadow beating on the door for me to let it in.

Dear Jack: Children commonly have nightmares, and dream experts agree that they’re a natural part of childhood development, possibly preparing the child to deal with a world that is full of people and things more powerful than them. Was there something or someone in your life you were afraid of and wanted to avoid when these dreams began? Trauma can be a cause of lifelong nightmares.

Kelly Bulkeley, in his book, “Transforming Dreams,” states, “Nightmares (in children) are efforts to process the worst feelings, the most confusing ideas, and the most frightening occurrences that happen to a child.” So I wonder what it was that frightened you so. Could it be that you were taught about evil in the world as part of the religion you were brought up in? Could that have made you fearful?

The frightening monster in your dream is described as a “black shadow.” You can’t see what it is, only that it is after you. The great psychologist, Carl Jung, described these negative figures in our dreams as our shadow side, the parts of us that we neither want to acknowledge or accept. We all have these “dark” parts within us.

These “shadow” characters that show up in our dreams as thieves, thugs and tormentors are often parts of ourselves that say, “I’m so stupid, I’ll never do anything right!” or “No one will ever love me” or “I’m weak or dumb or unimaginative or clumsy or etc., etc.” These parts of us rob us of our faith in ourselves and torment us with their ongoing commentary. When they show up in our dreams, it’s time to face up to them and bring them into the light of consciousness. Then we have the power of discernment and we can say, “Yes, I know you, my inner critic. But I don’t have to let you lead my life.”

It’s important to remember that your “shadow” isn’t necessarily a negative trait. It can also be a part of you that is positive that you have suppressed and kept hidden in the dark. A shadow may be an artistic ability that you’ve never expressed. It may be incredible strength and power that you deny by acting weak. It may be the part of you that needs connection with others while pretending you need no one.

In your dream, Jack, you find safety in your church. In your waking life is this also true? If not, perhaps your dream is suggesting that you find a community of faith that will be a place of spiritual refuge for you. Also, the church can represent your own inner sanctuary. Meditation and prayer is the way to enter.

You mentioned that you haven’t had this nightmare for several years. What changed in your life when you stopped having this dream? Did you move, divorce, marry? Were you in therapy? Evidently you have conquered this particular challenge, whatever it was. Thanks for sharing.