Don’T Even Try To Be Cool Here

Sat., Sept. 9, 2000

By Paul Turner srpaulturner@gmail.com

Would declaring someone to be the coolest person in Spokane be an oxymoron?

Just kidding.

Let’s get on with it.

* Slice answer: “Hi, Paul. I’m Lynette Provost and I work at a local hospital and here are a few things that I have found on computer keyboards over the years: Cheetos (most colorful), Necco candy pieces, lettuce from a salad bar and pet hair. Oh, and once a co-worker had a spider crawl out of the keyboard.”

* Family Phrases Department: Apparently there are those who use the word “Flemish” to describe a state of nasal or chest congestion.

* Just wondering: Who is this area’s funniest Sunday school teacher?

* Multiple choice: If North Idaho had a resident superhero, which would be his/her lone weakness:

a.) loses all powers for 24 hours if tricked into tasting a huckleberry milkshake.

b.) can’t spell.

c.) intimidated by rush-hour traffic on I-90.

d.) says dumb things to members of the national press corps and then claims to have been misquoted.

e.) failure to understand that it’s reasonable for informed citizens in other parts of the country to have an interest in the management of federal lands in the West.

f.) drinking lead-contaminated water saps strength.

g.) can’t keep track of keys.

h.) wastes time trying to interest senior citizens in high-tech gizmos they want nothing to do with.

* Slice answer: “I was in fourth grade when my friend Allison told me this great show, `The Headless Horseman,’ was going to be on `The Wonderful World of Color’ Sunday night,” wrote Betsy Rainsford of Omak. “Sunday night came and my mom and sister wanted to watch the Beatles on `The Ed Sullivan Show.’ I was so upset. I didn’t get my way and I think I watched the Beatles but didn’t enjoy them one bit.”

* Another multiple choice: Seeing as how cowboys don’t really symbolize the New West, what occupation now comes closest to evoking the contemporary spirit of this region?

a.) developer.

b.) developer’s attorney.

c.) developer’s PR spokesperson.

d.) developer’s new young wife.

e.) software designer.

f.) barista.

g.) snowboarder’s dad.

h.) consultant’s husband.

* Today’s Slice question: In all of the Inland Northwest, what person gets listed as a job reference more often than anyone else?

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