He’S Home At Last

Talk about realizing one’s destiny, how about Andre Rison, juking through the minefield of his career to sign with the Raiders?

When he arrived in Oakland, he faced legal problems in four states, alleged to have written $158,000 in bad checks to a Missouri jewelry store; given police a fake name after a bar fight in Wisconsin; owed $34,000 in child support in California; and accused of stealing $1,000 in equipment from a Kansas music store.

“I’m a beautiful father and I’ve got a beautiful life,” Rison said. “I’m not saying I’m perfect. And I’m not saying I’m wrong. But I am a Raider.”

Do tell.

Enough Olympics, already

Not everyone in Australia is consumed by the Olympics. The citizens of Walhalla - population 21 - have declared their old gold-mining town an “Olympics-Free Zone.”

Visitors overheard gossiping about track times, sailing conditions, sports injuries or doping scandals will be fined on the spot.

Unpatriotic? Not at all, said Rhonda Acquilina, who, with her husband, runs the only general store in the outback town of western Victoria. “We’re offering a haven for people who have had enough.”

Throw another notion on the barbie

No, Australia, site of the upcoming Summer Olympics, isn’t the way you think it is, especially if your frame of reference is “Crocodile Dundee.”

“People always ask where the kangaroos are, as if they’d be in the streets or something,” Debbie Moore, a concierge at the Sydney Hilton, told the Orlando Sentinel.

“I mean, do I see cowboys in the streets when I go to New York? Do I see camels when I go to Kuwait? I don’t think so. And I don’t know how to throw a boomerang, so don’t ask me that, either.”

Why not? It would make a very, uh, snappy comeback.

So much for this poll

If towns like Provo, Utah, which always top those “livability” surveys, are so great, why do so few people live there?

Scarborough Sports Marketing just ranked NFL fan enthusiasm, based on 85,000 interviews focusing on “fan avidity; multimedia measures including sports viewing and listening; corporate sponsorship information, including fans’ shopping; and product/service usage and leisure activities.”

Milwaukee was No. 1. Jacksonville, Fla., No. 2 and Sacramento No. 7.

Chicago was No. 41. Los Angeles 56, New York 57.

The last word …

“Opening games make me nervous. To tell you the truth, I’d rather open with our second game.”

Former Tampa Bay Buccaneers and USC coach John McKay in a long-ago review of season openers.