Free rent erases son’s incentive to be independent

Dear Annie: Our 20-year-old son, “Patrick,” lives at home. He has a full-time job that grosses $25,000 a year. His only monthly expenses are $146 for his car, $100 for insurance and $50 for his computer. Yet he has only $1,400 in his bank account. He blows the rest of his income on gas, fast food, tattoos, beer, entertainment and his cell phone.

Patrick pays nothing for room and board. His girlfriend does his laundry and cleans his bedroom, which is the largest room in the house (it used to be our garage), and he has a private bath. Patrick does nothing to help out with chores. He also has a fish, a ferret, and a dog that is constantly getting out of the fenced back yard and into our living room.

Patrick expects us to pay for any repairs in his room, such as plumbing or painting, and to buy his clothes. He has no plans to marry or move out in the near future. Annie, we love our son, and he is a nice person, but we wonder if we’re making it too easy. What do other families charge their grown children who live at home? — Wondering Parents

Dear Wondering: Of course you are making it too easy, which takes away Patrick’s incentive to be more independent. But you already know that.

Here’s the rule: Patrick should pay one-quarter of his gross monthly income for rent, which means he should be giving you roughly $500 a month. Even with the additional $296 he pays for his car, insurance and computer, it’s still a bargain, especially if you are feeding him. It’s time to let him know.

Dear Annie: Recently, my sister passed away. This was a sad time for us, but I became even more upset after the funeral service, when I noticed many people plucking the roses out of the casket piece. This is the rudest thing I have ever seen. My family paid nearly $300 for this beautiful arrangement.

Please let your readers know that those flowers were bought by someone else and are meant to stay at the gravesite. — You Know Who You Are in Ole Miss

Dear Miss: Flowers should not be removed from the casket unless the family has given permission to take them. It might help you get over this breach by considering that the funeral guests may have wanted a memento because your sister meant so much to them. Our condolences.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Disgusted in California,” the homeowner who was having construction done on her home and saw a crew member zip up after urinating behind her garage.

I am the wife of a contractor. “Disgusted” is right to be concerned about her daughter seeing such a sight, and her response was absolutely appropriate. But often, homeowners forget about the crew’s needs and do not let them know it is OK to use the house facilities. Worse, there are homeowners who flatly refuse to let the workers inside the home for a myriad of reasons: germs, fear of theft, fear of attack and having to disinfect the bathroom after each use. My all-time favorite excuse was, “You are in a different class than we are; it would not be appropriate.” The crew left, and my husband billed the woman for a wasted day.

How can homeowners expect construction workers to put in eight hours and not use the bathroom? — Heard Them All in the Great Northwest

Dear Heard Them All: We agree that facilities should be available, and if the homeowner does not want the workers inside the house, the construction company should rent portable toilets and tack the cost onto the bill. Fair is fair.