Her date’s on the wagon – Can she still sip?

Q: I recently started dating a man who is in Alcoholics Anonymous. He’s been clean for 10 years, so I’m not worried about him falling off the wagon. Here’s my dilemma: When is it OK for me to have a drink in front of him? I’d like to have a glass of wine with dinner, but I don’t want to do it if it’s going to torture him. How should I bring this up?

Mia: I’m sure if the man has been sober for a decade he’s had to watch people drink before. So I would ask him if your having a drink in his presence would be difficult for him. I’d probably still avoid taking him to some dive bar and pounding shots. That might make any date uncomfortable!

Steve: Some alcoholics are uncomfortable when others are drinking and some don’t mind at all. But he should have no problem talking about it, so just ask.

Q: I’m a newly single female, 36, and have had a series of horrendous relationships. I am very independent, cute, and pretty normal as this crazy world goes. The problem is I have a huge heart. I do everything I can in a relationship to make it work and then I end up feeling used and hurt. I direct my whole life at helping others. I have adopted children and I do a lot of volunteer work. Everyone who knows me says I have an escalator to heaven waiting for me. What is the problem? At this point in my life, I would just love somebody to hang out with that likes to have fun. Is there anywhere else to meet men besides bars? I’ve tried speed-dating and the Internet, and it doesn’t work for me. Any ideas?

Steve: First, you may need to back off a bit in establishing your relationships. Men are scared to death of women who try too hard or are too clingy. Be more elusive. Encourage his pursuit. As for meeting men, join a club focused on your interests. How about a community do-good group or civic association? You might meet someone as big-hearted as you.

Mia: And if that doesn’t work, I hear the escalator to heaven is paved with attractive men!

Q: A former girlfriend of mine is in Iraq. She e-mailed a gang of friends with a July 4th thought. I responded in a humorous, polite way to “all” and one woman responded. We began e-mailing. I have never been a fan of Internet dating, but I am almost officially divorced now. This person I’ll call Sue has something about her that scares me. In a good way, of course. Shall I follow my heart or stop responding?

Steve: Without knowing what scares you or what exactly you’ve been talking about in your e-mails, I see no harm in meeting Sue for lunch. Then you can decide if you want to take it further.

Mia: How do you define good scary? Dominatrix? Hey, if you want to be tied up and whipped, go for it.

Q: I’m a 35-year-old man in a relationship for four years with a 46-year-old woman. I’ve been locked up in prison for 3 1/2 years. She’s been there for me through all that time. She says she loves me very much. To me, she’s ugly but has a heart of gold. I’m afraid to tell her how I really feel because she may leave me. Can I make this relationship work?

Mia: Hello? You’re in prison. If this woman had half a brain, she’d leave you. I hope she’s reading …

Steve: Yo, Mia, don’t you believe in rehabilitation? As the first step toward becoming a productive member of society, I urge our inmate to forget this woman’s looks and focus on her heart. That”s how to make your relationship work.