So many labels, such little acceptance

When I was first trying to figure myself out, I decided I was bisexual. I didn’t know then if I was bi or anything else, but it seemed closest to identifying how I felt.

The first boyfriend I had was in my sophomore year of high school, and I told him I was bisexual. He said he was fine with that; it was the only time we really talked about sexuality. We eventually broke up but stayed friends.

A couple of years later, I told him I had a girlfriend, my first. He was mortified and steamed at me, and said I had unknowingly ruined him. He believed that since he was my only boyfriend before I dated a girl, people would think less of him as a man. We never spoke again.

My first girlfriend also had an issue with me dating and liking boys before her. It often was the topic of tense conversations. I was confused and felt I had to make a decision between the ends of the spectrum, straight or gay.

Eventually, I discovered my true self, and if a label is necessary, I am a lesbian. I continue to think about bisexuality, though, and its effects on me when I talk with others.

Discrimination against bisexuals even comes from within the gay community. Bisexuals are said to be “riding the fence,” selfish and flaky because they haven’t made a decision between two genders.

This is a fairly narrow-minded view, especially in the gay community. I cannot claim to understand everything bisexuals feel, but I believe they love aspects of females and males.

I have a friend who dated men, considered herself bi, dated women, and came out as a lesbian. She has had a few girlfriends since then and never really thought about dating men again – until she met the guy she is currently dating. She was as surprised as any of her friends.

What she has had to deal with since then has not been enjoyable. Some friends have teased her; others pulled away from her. She doesn’t always know where she fits in with the gay community, and she doesn’t feel like she fits in with the straight community at all. She thinks of herself as a lesbian who happens to be with a man.

One of my acquaintances is out as a bisexual, yet she has never had a relationship with a woman. She is now married but always will consider herself bisexual.

The definition of sexuality is not as cut and dry as we try to make it. Not everyone falls into the labels that have been created. The term bisexual covers the range between straight and gay. In fact, several theories now define sexuality on a continuum, using descriptors including heterosexual only, heterosexual mostly, bisexual mostly and somewhat heterosexual along the line to homosexual only.

More labels recently have been created: “Heteroflexible” refers to a straight person who is open to relationships with people of the same sex, and “homoflexible” refers to a gay person who is open to relationships with people of the opposite sex. Bisexuals often are considered straight when dating someone of the opposite sex and gay when dating someone of the same sex. However, many bisexuals say they do not feel that this is a fair assessment.