Outrageously perfect

IN ITS CONTINUING celebration of its 25th anniversary, ESPN is ranking the 25 most outrageous athletes. The usual suspects are on the list — George Steinbrenner, Dick Vitale, Charles Barkley, Dennis Rodman, John McEnroe, etc. You can still vote, but here are a couple of compelling arguments from the Page 2 folks at ESPN.com:

•”Make mine the man they called Captain Outrageous,” writes Michael Knisley. “Until somebody comes up with a Colonel Outrageous or a General Outrageous, doesn’t Ted Turner outrank everybody else? Shouldn’t that be the end of this debate? He was, you’ll recall, also the “Mouth of the South.” He was Steinbrenner when Steinbrenner wasn’t cool.

“I’ll take an owner with the brass to make out his own lineup card — and do it openly, in uniform, on the bench, in plain view of God and Dale Murphy. I’ll take an owner who gave this as a reason for the surprising success of the 1982 Atlanta Braves: ‘We have no crazies or flakes or drug addicts.’ I’ll take an owner who authorized the sending of the following little ditty to Braves’ season-ticket holders in February of 1990:

Rose is a Red.

Morgan’s one, too.

They finished first

Like we wanted to.

But last year’s behind us

We’re happy to say.

Now we’re tied for first,

Happy Valentine’s Day.

And finally, I’ll take an owner who once said, ‘If I only had a little humility, I’d be perfect.’ “

• “The most outrageous character of the last 25 years?” asks David Schoenfield. “Easy. Mike Tyson. As far as I know, he’s the only human cannibal on the list. That’s good enough for my vote.”

Branded for life

Arizona outfielder Luis Gonzalez noticed basketball coaching legend Bob Knight in the stands at Dodger Stadium the other night.

“Good thing those chairs are bolted down,” Gonzalez said.

Slightly used mansion

Comedy writer John Quinlen’s full disclosure notes for Shaq’s real estate agent:

“The intercom system makes the user sound like they are mumbling, the basket on the backyard court curves right and extends about six inches when the user is on the free-throw line, the electrical outlet for the treadmill doesn’t work, there are Nestle Crunch wrappers strewn all over the place and the cases of unsold Shaq-brand clothes in the garage are included.”

Middle finger issue

The Florida Marlins are so bewildered by the blister problem that has forced starter Josh Beckett back onto the disabled list that they took him to see burn specialist Dr. Robert Krisner at the University of Miami Wednesday.

Club officials can’t understand why the problem keeps recurring, this latest episode even more severe than the previous instances where the skin on the end of his middle finger tears off. Beckett claims that he never had blister problems in high school or the minor leagues.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” said Beckett, trying to maintain his sense of humor. “Play third base, maybe.”