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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

It’s never too late to find a suitable mate



 (The Spokesman-Review)
Steve and Mia Knight Ridder

Q: I’m a 50-year-old divorced woman in an unsatisfying relationship with a man who gives me almost nothing emotionally. I’ve had a couple of prior relationships that also seemed like all give and no take.

At my age, I see little hope to change my circumstances. The available men are either totally selfish or are weirdos. Do you see a way out for me?

Steve: As Peter DeVries once observed, how do you expect mankind to be happy in pairs when it is miserable separately? But trying, no matter how hopeless, is better than surrender. So, forget your age, go forth and seek the man of your dreams, or at least a slight upgrade.

Mia: You could become a lesbian.

Q: My chap is 55 and I am 47. We have been seeing each other for 2 1/2 years. For about the last year he has got dirty-old-man syndrome – he is always ogling and making comments about other women.

This drives me nuts, but I feel silly acting as if I am jealous. I am a very insecure person and my trust (even though I have no real justification to distrust) is waning. Can you advise?

Steve: This behavior is both immature and disrespectful. One should never flirt in the presence of one’s significant other. Tell him to stop. If he loves you, he will.

Mia: Why don’t you start talking about how sexy other men are, maybe leave a few issues of Playgirl around? That might make him realize that he has some insecurities too. Maybe he’ll be more considerate.

Q: I met “Dana” a few weeks ago through a mutual friend and we get along great. We’ve hung out for a few girls’ nights and we exchange e-mails like I do with lots of other female friends.

The other night when we were all saying goodbye, Dana kissed me right on the lips. She wasn’t drunk, nor was I. And I know it wasn’t accidental. I am sure the surprise was written all over my face. She just smiled and scooted off. I haven’t seen Dana since then, and we haven’t e-mailed. After getting over my shock, I had to admit I kind of liked the kiss, but I don’t think I am brave enough to stay with this program. What should I do?

Steve: Bravery has nothing to do with it. You are either attracted to other women or not. If you are, follow your instincts.

Mia: If you liked it, why not make out some more? Don’t analyze too much until you know how you feel. Maybe you’ll have fun.

Q: A man I’ve dated just a couple of times recently asked me to accompany him on a business trip to Vienna for a week. He’d pay all of my expenses.

I would love to go. I’ve never been to Europe. But truth be told, I’m not crazy about this guy. He’s totally not my type. Would it be wrong for me to accept his invitation, knowing I don’t plan to see him again once we get back from the trip?

Mia: Wouldn’t it be awkward to go if you don’t want to sleep with him? You might end up not having that much fun and only feeling awkward. Buy your own ticket to Europe and try to hook up with a foreign guy. Way more fabulous!

Steve: Hmmmm. Is he offering to pay for a separate room? If not, what will he expect from you? You are getting gifts of value (trip, hotels) in exchange for your, um, company. You may have guessed by now that there is a term for this sort of transaction. It ought to give you pause.