Young couple are not ready for commitment

Dear Annie: For the past six years, I have dated a smart, cute, funny and caring man. I love him, and he loves me. So what’s the problem?

While I feel lucky to have “Jayson” in my life, I am not content. I am 24 years old and decided recently to continue my education. Jayson, however, wants to get married. I know he would make a great husband and father. Unfortunately, while I care for him deeply, I’ve never been “in love” with him.

I feel guilty holding on to Jayson while hoping to someday find a partner who will be the love of my life. Am I being foolish for dreaming of more? – Wishing for Wisdom in California

Dear Wishing: You are not foolish, but you must be fair to Jayson. You are only 24, you’ve been dating Jayson since you were 18, and you are doing him and yourself a disservice by making a commitment when you are so unsure.

Jayson could well be the right man for you, but you will never know if you feel pushed into marriage. You and Jayson both should date others. Yes, he will be hurt, and you will feel guilty about it. But it is better than the alternative.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Anxiously Awaiting,” who said the women in her office wanted a better response about lazy husbands who don’t help with the housework. You said women have to tell men what they want.

I am a 24-year-old husband and father. In my home, I am the one who cooks, cleans and does the laundry, and I am the sole source of income for my household. Why am I the only one who finds time to do these chores when we both have equally busy schedules? I know there must be more men in my situation who get little credit.

As for all the women who wrote in complaining about their spouses, maybe they need to find a more constructive way of communicating. — Disgruntled in Oregon

Dear Ore.: We heard plenty about men who do more than their share. Read on:

From Los Angeles: I want to give kudos to my man. I work full time while he is finishing graduate school. He gets up early every morning to make my lunch and has dinner ready when I get home from work. He does the dishes and the laundry, and on weekends we clean together. Even though he doesn’t always do the housework exactly how I would have, he does it with love, and I think he’s perfect.

Indiana: So she works until 7 p.m., then has to fix her man a meal. BIG DEAL! When was the last time she helped him mow the grass, change the oil in the car or feed the outdoor pets when it’s 20 below? My wife and I have been married for 30 years, and I don’t cook and she doesn’t cut the grass. Get the picture?

California: I’ve been married to my wife for 35 years, and I love to cook, wash dishes, do laundry and vacuum, and with a little nudging, I will clean windows. Marriage is supposed to be equal. So I ask all you guys who think it is a woman’s job to take care of the house, why are you so inconsiderate of your loved one?

Maine: Men cannot read minds, and we also don’t take criticism very well after we worked hard washing the floor and then hear, “You missed a spot.” And women should occasionally do “men’s” work. Doing things together reinforces a marriage. Being loved and appreciated is what life is all about – for everyone.

Midwest: After eight years of doing all the laundry, cooking and cleaning, I finally looked over at my wife, who was lying on the couch, throwing her chicken bones in an already-full ashtray, and said to her, “You’re fired.” That was 18 years ago, and I have never been happier – or had a cleaner house.