Tell folks about friction from their favoritism
Dear Annie: At the risk of sounding greedy or jealous, here is my problem. I am one of five children — all in our 40s. Everyone lives in the same town except me. A few years ago, my parents made the decision to sell my brothers the family business. My two sisters worked for our parents, and now they work for my brothers.
Selling the business to my brothers, of course, has spawned other opportunities that my sisters and I will never have. Our brothers’ children now have new cars, great insurance and lucrative investments in stocks and bonds. My brothers and their wives have become disgusting at family get-togethers because they brag about their new homes, beach houses and fancy cars.
It is so hard to go home for family events. We girls have tried talking to our parents, but they say we have no reason to complain and that everything will work out in the end. Even if they leave us money in their wills, there is no way we ever will have the opportunities that have been handed to our brothers and their families.
Do we keep visiting our parents when they treat us like second-class children? And whom do they expect to take care of them in their old age? My brothers wouldn’t dream of it. What should we do? — Freakin’ Out in Philly
Dear Philly: Would you and your sisters have been willing to run the business? If not, it makes sense that your parents would sell it to your brothers. Even so, their decision does a disservice to you and your sisters, not only because it cuts you out of the benefits, but because it denies you the opportunity to prove your abilities. It also makes it seem as though your parents favor your brothers.
You need to talk this out with Mom and Dad, and be sure your sisters stand by you. Explain how their unintentional favoritism has created friction, jealousy and anger and may cause a rift that cannot be fixed later. Whatever the final outcome, however, remember that no amount of money is worth losing loved ones.
Dear Annie: My younger sister is getting married soon and is paying for the wedding herself. The reception will be a buffet dinner, with beef and chicken as the main courses, and plenty of side dishes.
My brother and his wife recently decided to stop eating meat and have asked the bride to accommodate their new eating habits. Is she responsible for their meal, or should the couple eat what’s available? — Bride’s Sister
Dear Sister: Professional caterers often will have a few vegetarian meals on hand that are not part of the buffet. If your sister is providing the food herself, she might be willing to create two vegetarian meals for her brother and his wife. Otherwise, guests should be able to find plenty of food to accommodate their eating preferences. Your sister should not have to provide an additional main course.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Concerned,” who complained that a dear friend still has her deceased husband’s voice on the answering machine.
My 25-year-old son passed away three years ago, and his precious voice is still on my answering machine. It is a tremendous comfort to me to be able to push a button and hear him talking again. Maybe that widow feels as I do.
Tell “Concerned” to stop worrying about being upset and start thinking about her friend’s feelings. — Grieving in Pittsburgh
Dear Grieving: We agree with you. Whatever someone chooses to have on the answering machine is a personal choice and no one else’s business.
Dear Readers: Today is Flag Day. Please take a moment at 4 p.m. for the 25th annual Pause for the Pledge of Allegiance.