Tonight’s best choice is an evening of season finales on CBS. And two instances of brotherly, um, love will highlight the festivities.
If you’re an “Everybody Loves Raymond” fan, tonight’s 9 p.m. episode promises laugh-until-it-hurts comedy. This show is always best when it leaves plot contrivances alone and forces the characters to talk to each other about their feelings.
Tonight, Ray and Robert (Ray Romano and Brad Garrett) are spending the night in a van, waiting for an early morning tee time, and they start talking about Marie and who’s going to take care of her when she gets old. You can see the storm clouds forming, right?
Then at 9:30, the surprisingly appealing “Two and a Half Men” will no doubt be full of cheap double entendres, as a pregnancy scare shakes bachelor Charlie (Charlie Sheen). Straight-laced brother Alan (Jon Cryer) suggests a permanent solution to that problem.
You have to figure that in between the one-liners will be the real comedy about their very different views on life.
“A Beautiful Mind” (2001), ABC at 8: Russell Crowe is math prodigy John Forbes Nash Jr., who has paranoid schizophrenia and a Nobel prize. Ron Howard directed, and the film won an Oscar for Best Picture.
“Yes, Dear,” CBS at 8: Mr. Savitsky (Brian Doyle-Murray, Bill’s brother) invites Jimmy and Christine to move into his mansion with him. But they begin to regret accepting his offer when their parenting styles clash.
Season finale. (Word is, the show won’t return until midseason.)
“The Swan,” Fox at 8: The most heinous “reality” show of the season reaches its finale, although Fox will probably cook up a reunion show for next week. The surgically enhanced ugly ducklings take the stage for a beauty pageant that will pick the “ultimate swan” and no doubt send some of the contestants into therapy for the rest of their Fox-addled lives. Gaaack.
Repeat city, NBC at 8: Two “Fear Factors” and a “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.”
“Colonial House,” KSPS at 8: Time to go clammin’! Plus, new leadership in the colony. Repeats at 10.
“Still Standing,” CBS at 8:30: Season finale. Brian is accepted into an accelerated math program at the local university and gets in trouble for staying out late with an older crowd. So he moves into the garage to live by his own rules.
Meanwhile, Lauren discovers a talent for singing that’s not appreciated by the rest of the family. At the end you’ll hear actress Renee Olstead belting out a song from her forthcoming CD.
“CSI: Miami,” CBS at 10: Season finale. The investigation of the murder of a porn star points to her boss. But a screw-up brings Internal Affairs.
“7th Heaven,” WB at 8: Repeat of last week’s season finale, with Matt trying to save his marriage and Eric and Annie taking off for New York. Followed at 9 by a new hour of the horrible “Superstar USA.”
“Bend It Like Beckham” (2002), Cinemax at 8: Parminder Nagra stars in the tale of a teen who wants to be a soccer star but must conceal her sporting life from her traditional parents.
Late Night Talk
“Late Show with David Letterman,” CBS at 11:35: Now this is a show — Nicole Kidman, a Top 10 list featuring members of the cast of “The Sopranos,” and musical guest Avril Lavigne.
“Tonight Show with Jay Leno,” NBC at 11:35: Snoop Dogg and Ashlee Simpson.
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