A refresher on wedding etiquette
That wedding guests can become disgruntled seems a waste of champagne.
Among the worries associated with staging a wedding, this possibility rarely occurs to bridal couples. With all that food and drink and the privilege of witnessing true love all decked out in finery, what more could they want?
Miss Manners has been listening to the complaints, and is happy to say that these are superficial misunderstandings arising from a lack of familiarity with wedding etiquette.
Simply by clearing up what is routinely done and expected, Miss Manners hopes to restore sweetness and light. Of course, it requires believing that couples included “Cash Gifts” on their invitations only because they believe it is the correct thing to do out of consideration for guests who might otherwise have to think about how to spend their money. And it requires believing that guests who fail to respond believe that it is incorrect to do so if no response card is included, or even if one is, because replying, as well as inviting, is the prerogative of the host.
But if Miss Manners is willing to force herself, surely the people involved, who should be clusters of relatives and friends, could give it a try. In the cause of heading off future misunderstandings, here are touchy questions and soothing answers from some of the chief areas of friction:
“When is it ever acceptable to invite one spouse to a wedding and not the other?”
When one of them has a restraining order against the other.
“I don’t want to go if I can’t bring a girlfriend, because I know I’ll be bored.”
So don’t. If you are bored watching people you supposedly care about getting married, imagine how bored a stranger will be.
“Would it be rude for me to decline the invitation to my ex-husband’s wedding?”
No. It would be rude for you to go and not be able to help snickering when you hear him vow a lifetime of commitment.
“Aren’t announcements just requests for gifts?”
No, they are announcements. All they require is congratulations.
“I received a wedding invitation with seven items, four of them cards from stores announcing where the couple was registered. I found it quite tacky, but I was wondering if I am being too critical.”
Now those are requests for presents, and no, you are not being too critical.
“I am in total shock at being asked to a wedding ‘celebration’ but not to the wedding. Did you ever hear of anything so cheap?”
Yes. Inviting people to the reception but not the ceremony used to be considered proper, although it is not a good idea.
“What am I supposed to do when I get a wedding invitation without a response card enclosed?”
Answer it.