Tell your father to be more respectful of you

Dear Annie: I am a 15-year-old young woman. I have known for a long time that my parents weren’t happy with each other, and last year, they told me they were going to divorce when I turn 18. I’m trying to deal with that, but here’s the problem:

Last week, my dad took me to get my haircut, as he does every month. Afterward, as usual, we went to his friend “Mary’s” apartment. Mary is nice enough, but I have never really liked her, partly because she interferes with the time I get to spend with my father.

She flirts with him a lot. When I told him I didn’t like spending so much time with her, he said he’d limit it, but nothing changed.

So, when we were at Mary’s apartment last week, I went upstairs to play on her computer while she and Dad watched a movie together. About an hour later, I glanced downstairs and saw Mary rubbing my dad’s stomach (and elsewhere), and he didn’t stop her.

I haven’t said a word about what I saw. Should I tell my dad or my mom, or keep silent? Should I wait until we go to Mary’s apartment again and tell them together?

This is starting to tear me up inside, and I get really depressed every time I think about it. – The Girl Who Has Seen Too Much

Dear Seen Too Much: You sound like an intelligent young lady, and you know what is going on here. Talk to Dad directly.

Tell him his relationship with Mary makes you uncomfortable and you do not want to squander the father-daughter time you have together by sharing it with her. Also mention that his disregard for what you might witness is disrespectful to you and your mother.

If, and when, your parents divorce, you can then re-evaluate your relationship with Mary.

Dear Annie: My husband of three years teases me nonstop. In fact, he’s gotten worse since we married.

I have a fine sense of humor, but “Ned” takes it way too far. He can’t go 30 minutes without teasing me about something. If I object, he gets mad and pouts all day.

Even if I ignore him, the teasing still hurts. Ned has become so exhausting to be around that I welcome his business trips so I can get some relief. It almost seems as if he is bullying me.

I just don’t find it funny. What can I do? – Being Tickled to Death

Dear Tickled: People who insult, berate or hurt your feelings and then claim you have “no sense of humor” actually are displaying masked hostility. No wonder you want him to leave town.

Talk to a marriage counselor before you end up in divorce court. Ask Ned to go with you, but as always, if he refuses, go without him.

Dear Annie: Last year, you printed a letter from a reader who said instead of Christmas gifts for teachers, they should urge their schools to hold food drives. Don’t teachers have enough to do? Are we now responsible for feeding the poor? It wouldn’t surprise me to find a few teachers’ families eligible to receive the food they are being asked to collect.

Don’t get me wrong. I advocate charity as much as the next person. Perhaps school parents could volunteer to run the food drive so teachers can concentrate on doing their jobs, which is educating our children. I actually look forward to the small gifts I receive from students – the bookstore gift cards, the tiny boxes of chocolate I can share with friends and the handwritten cards. I treasure these. – J.M.

Dear J.M.: Food drives are wonderful, but you’re right – teachers cannot be expected to do everything. Teachers have let us know that the items they most appreciate are gift certificates to department stores, grocery stores, bookstores, craft shops or restaurants, and classroom supplies (markers, colored pencils, glue, chalk, facial tissue, etc.). And, of course, personal notes of thanks from their students.