21 hard truths about the 2004 election

A deadlocked governor’s race just isn’t as exciting as a contested presidential election. In one, you worry about who will become the leader of the free world. In the other, you wonder who’s going to control road-improvement projects in Puyallup.

A drawn-out contest between Dino Rossi and Christine Gregoire plays right into the hands of 2008 dark-horse candidate Mike the Mover.

After decisive primary and general-election victories, Cathy McMorris goes to Washington as part of a big Republican House majority bolstered by GOP control of the Senate, the White House and the Supreme Court. I thought McMorris might be the next Patty Murray, but now she’s one hat-throw away from becoming Mary Tyler Moore.

I guess that means Denny Hastert will fill the Lou Grant role. But who can play Ted Baxter?

Is the U.S. Chamber of Commerce now a wholly owned subsidiary of the Republican party – or is it the other way around?

If the election had gone one more week, George Nethercutt might have run an ad in which his daughter challenged Patty Murray to a duel.

Nethercutt’s probably on the phone with Tom Foley right now, asking for advice on starting a lobbying career. First tip: Don’t promise to quit after six years.

I hear there’s a good sub-lease deal available on a certain Bellevue apartment.

It feels kind of lonely around here without a robo-call from Rudy Giuliani every five minutes. At the end there, I felt like I was really getting to know him.

It’s a good thing that gambling initiative went down to defeat. If people were allowed to play slot machines in gas stations, they might not have enough money left for lottery tickets.

I’d love to play poker with Democratic leaders. Four years ago they folded a strong hand after the first electoral bluff and then spent all night Tuesday betting a pair of twos.

If Ralph Nader kept on campaigning, would anybody know it?

George W. Bush lost among voters with the most college education, but won among folks with a lot less schooling. Maybe he should consider leaving a few more children behind.

Forget Hillary Clinton in 2008. The only hope Democrats have to re-take the presidency is to nominate a conservative white Southerner. Someone call Zell Miller after he finishes his next round of rabies shots.

It may just be a rumor, but word is the president will perform a duet with Ashlee Simpson during the inauguration. Cue the tape, Karl.

Meanwhile, John Kerry plans to hole up on Martha’s Vineyard for the next four years with Al Gore and a set of “West Wing” DVDs.

After Dubya’s second term and eight years of Jeb in the White House, Jenna will almost be old enough to take over the family business.

Even though Kerry conceded Wednesday morning, NBC and FOX did jump the gun in calling Ohio for Bush on Tuesday night. NBC should have known better.

California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger agreed to make only one appearance for Bush this fall – a last-minute rally in Ohio. Can you say Secretary of Defense Ahnold? Better a Terminator in the post than a prevaricator.

After Schwarzenegger stuck his neck out for the president at the Republican convention, he complained wife Maria Shriver wouldn’t sleep with him for two weeks. How long will Democrat Shriver cut him off this time? Don’t be surprised if a frenzy of random groping soon breaks out in Sacramento.

My prediction of a Murray victory over Nethercutt proved accurate. But I’m sure glad I didn’t stake the continuation of my column on the national election results.