Even her husband’s death isn’t enough to stifle Blythe’s spirit

Actors spend much of their time settling for less.

They take small roles. They play small emotions in small stories.

And then, if they’re good and they’re lucky, they get something big. That’s what Blythe Danner has in “Back When We Were Grownups,” which airs tonight at 9 on CBS.

“I loved playing it,” Danner says. “It was tremendous fun … and it was great timing, about a year after my husband’s death when I really needed to be doing something.”

Bruce Paltrow, her husband of 32 years, died at 58 of complications from pneumonia in October 2002. He was a producer, a director, a leader in diversity and the father of their children, director Jake Paltrow and actress Gwyneth Paltrow.

In “Grownups,” based on an Anne Tyler bestseller, Danner stars as Rebecca Davitch, a woman searching for her place in life following her husband’s unexpected death. Then a long-ago boyfriend (played by Peter Fonda) resurfaces and, reluctantly, Rebecca resumes dating.

Danner also has a new cable series (“Huff” on Showtime) and a movie due in December (“Meet the Fockers”).

She grew up near Philadelphia in a Pennsylvania Dutch family that loved community theater.

“My father was known as the singing banker,” Danner says.

Next came Bard College, then Broadway and Hollywood. Danner got big roles in “The Last of the Belles” (in 1974 as Zelda Fitzgerald), “The Great Santini” (1979) and as Anne Sullivan in “Helen Keller: The Miracle Continues” (1984). She also starred in TV series including “Adam’s Rib” (1976) and her husband’s “Tattingers” (1989).

The two met when she auditioned off-Broadway. They shared strong feelings about theater and life.

Danner, who worked in support of environmental issues this election, has had a social passion since girlhood. “I attended a wonderful Quaker school,” she says.

Her husband became a strong force for diversity. At a time when Hollywood had few black directors, many of the best – Thomas Carter, Kevin Hooks, Eric Laneuville – launched their careers on “The White Shadow” and “St. Elsewhere,” shows that Bruce Paltrow produced.

Even the Oscar-winning Denzel Washington credits the late director for helping his career, Danner says.

Three times during a six-year stretch on “St. Elsewhere,” she says, Washington was given long breaks from the show so he could do movies. The rest is cinematic history.

There’s one difference between Danner and the woman she plays so zestfully in “Grownups.” Both are widows, but Danner hasn’t returned to the dating pool.

“I have absolutely no interest in that,” she says. “I played Lou Gehrig‘s wife in a movie and she says, ‘When you’ve had the best, you’re not looking for someone else.’ “

The birthday bunch

Country singer Jean Shepard is 71. Singer Dr. John is 64. Actor-director Harold Ramis is 60. Actress Goldie Hawn is 59. Actress-singer Lorna Luft is 52. Christian singer Steven Curtis Chapman is 42. Singer Bjork is 39. Country singer Kelsi Osborn (SHeDAISY) is 30.