‘Energy vampires’ can drain workers
When I think back to my days in the workplace, it’s easy to remember those people who could make your day ugly. Every day after I awoke, I reviewed my schedule for the day. Invariably, I’d find there were people I needed to see that day that I knew would bring me down. Unless you have remarkable patience, which eludes most of us, there is at least one person in your workplace who takes the joy out of you and makes every encounter a confrontational event.
In the early days of this column, I wrote about the baggage agent and the sandwich maker. That remains one of my favorite columns, and when I tell the story in speeches and at seminars it always draws enthusiastic and knowing nods. The baggage agent was irrepressibly happy in his job and it infected his co-workers. The sandwich maker, whom I met 15 minutes later, was dour and the chip on his shoulder was a boulder. The sandwich maker deflated everyone he met.
Dr. Judith Orloff, author of a new book called “Positive Energy,” calls the sandwich maker an “energy vampire.” Orloff contends all our relationships, including the ones at work, are marked by an exchange of energy. Some people positively increase our energy while others sap it. She calls the energy sappers “vampires” and she says these six are frequent at work.
The Sob Sister – This person (male or female) is the “woe is me whiner.” Everything is “poor me.” But the sob sisters have no interest in solving the problem. They simply crave an audience. Orloff says the best way to deal with this vampire is to set clear boundaries and limit the time you spend with them. Kind people think they need to be supportive, but Orloff says you can’t let them complain. Draw the line firmly and tell them you have work to do.
Drama Queen – This person has a flair for exaggerating small incidents into major dramas. The Drama Queen gets mileage out of calamities, so the best defense is to stay calm and avoid getting sucked into the drama. If you decline to get drawn into the soap opera the drama queen will move on.
The Constant Talker and Joke-Teller – This yakker has no interest in your feelings and he probably violates your personal space. You will probably get tired waiting for an opening to speak or to excuse yourself. Orloff says this type does not respond to verbal cues so blunt statements such as, “I’m sorry, I’m a private person and I can’t talk long,” are required. Orloff urges you not to get confrontational with a constant talker. “It will only rev them up,” she says.
The Fixer-Upper – These vampires are desperate for you to fix all their problems. These people appeal to your guilt and want to turn you into their therapist. Orloff’s advice is to show empathy without trying to fix the problem. She says your attempt to fix things make you an enabler. Orloff, herself a psychiatrist, says the fixer-upper is a person who comes back time after time for help. She says that creates real down time in the workplace and, if it happens, you should recommend the person see a professional and decline to get involved.
The Blamer and Criticizer – This is the person who cuts everybody else down to save his own face. He makes you feel guilty or inferior even tough he may well be the one with the performance problem. Orloff says this person must be dealt with directly. Tell him he is hurting your feelings and respect is important. If that doesn’t work, the psychiatrist suggests you imagine yourself within a protective barrier that filters out negatives.
The Go-for-the-Jugular Fiend – This is the mean, vindictive person who insults people to the point they never feel good enough. This is the one energy sapper who is intentional. He wants to destroy you, and Orloff says this person is so destructive the only solution may be to switch jobs or departments.
I could add my own list and so could you. It is important to identify these “vampires” and draw your boundaries kindly and firmly.
Tip for your search
Many of us are reluctant to resist overtures for help and attention from people in the workplace. It is crucial to remember that when you are dealing with these energy sappers, no work is getting done. A supervisor will notice you and the “sapper” are talking all the time. She may not notice you are a “victim.” Drawing boundaries will protect you and your work.