She’s on the Internet, he’s insecure

Fri., Sept. 3, 2004

Steve and Mia Knight Ridder

Q: I began a relationship a month ago with a woman. I told her that before I met her I was listed on a couple of Internet dating sites.

After meeting her, I closed my accounts. Recently, I discovered that she had made a profile on one of these services. When I mentioned this, she responded by saying I didn’t trust her.

She explained that she did the profile out of curiosity after hearing how it went for me. She says she has gotten some waves from the service but is not responding.

I explained that the idea of us trying to work a relationship while an ad is on the Internet is discouraging. It makes me feel insecure about how our relationship stands.

Am I wrong for the way I feel? How can I resolve this?

I love her very much, although she has not gotten to the point of telling me she loves me. I want so badly for an open relationship with communication, trust and honesty.

Steve: Yeah, well, good luck. It is a refreshing reversal to hear from a man who longs for commitment while the woman wants to play around some more.

One month is way too soon to tell where a relationship is going. Give her some slack on the dating service and then see where it stands in six months. If she still seems to be yearning for something else by then, you should probably move on.

Mia: Dare to dream, buddy. Does anyone really have a relationship with communication, trust and honesty? And after a month, you shouldn’t expect that.

Q: I’m a single male and have all the right features, but have no luck with women.

Can you tell me how to talk to them? How to start a conversation and keep it going?

Mia: Here’s a secret: Women hold conversations much like men do. Just introduce yourself. Then ask her about who she is, what she does and what her interests are.

If she starts asking you some of the same stuff, she probably likes you. If she says she has to go home to feed her cat, retreat.

Steve: Also, instead of thinking of her as a potential mate and getting all nervous, approach her as you would one of your buddies. Just relax and chat.

Q: My problem is I have two women after me.

How do I go about staying with one and telling the other one I don’t want to be with her? Help.

Mia: Just be a man and tell the woman you don’t want to date that you can’t see her anymore. It’s that easy.

Steve: Outside of journalism, no one likes to break bad news. But telling the truth even when it hurts is part of being an adult. Just give it to her straight.

Local journalism is essential.

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