It’s always easy to remember the one who got away

Most of us have someone in our lives that we once loved and lost. He or she remains in our hearts forever; no time or distance can erase their imprints. As years pass we may refer to him as “the one who got away.” Even if we only had him in our heart, we may still wonder, “Was he or she the one?”

I recently received an e-mail from my “one.” Even though we never hooked up, he was closer to my heart than any boy I ever loved. I think it’s because we were such good friends, too. He was like a close girlfriend, with whom I loved to hang out, laugh and share my secrets. But the difference was every time he walked into the room, my chest would tighten a bit and I’d lose a breath or two. When he hugged me, though, that’s when I was in real trouble. I never wanted to let go. For starters, I was married and he had a serious girlfriend. But as torrid as that may sound, what we shared was purely innocent, largely because he never knew how I felt about him.

As attracted as I was to him, it was his loving spirit that drew me in. We worked together, so I saw him everyday. He’d leave me a note if he didn’t see me by the end of the day, usually thanking me for a good chat or for the game of catch. We loved football, so we kept a Nerf ball in the office. When the cranky people became tenser on deadline, he’d wink at me. That was our signal for, “Let’s take a break and go have a catch.” We had so much fun.

No times were better than our lunches, though. That’s when I felt closest to him, and I believe him to me. We’d talk about our lives and what was working and what was not. One day he seemed extra antsy to have lunch, asking me several times that morning if we were on. He had big news to share and said he wanted me to be the first to know. My heart raced as I could feel the tension building – what did he want to tell me?

Finally at lunch he pulled a ring box out of his pocket and said, “I’m going to ask her this weekend. What do you think?”

My heart wanted to cry out, “No, ask me, ask me instead! Don’t you know how much I love you?” It was my last chance to tell him how I felt. But my head won; instead I said, “I’m so happy for you!” And I was.

I clung to every word of his planned proposal, caught up in the romance of it all. He ended by saying, “I just want to take care of her, Court, and love her forever. You know what I mean, don’t you?”

I sure did. We all do, but whether we find that kind of love is another thing, a challenge, a quest.

The last note I got from him on the day I left that job said, “I’ve never had a friend like you who I wanted to share everything with. I’ll never forget you.”

That was the last time I saw him, three years ago, but I too will never forget him. He has a daughter now and another on the way. I have to admit, my heart still fluttered a bit when I saw his e-mail. I guess it probably always will when I think of him.

But isn’t that the upside of the one who got away – you can always remember what was real instead of what never came to be.