Novelty tunes express sad side of yule
It’s time for holiday songs, and with them the themes of the season:
Drunkenness. Poverty. Failed romance.
Yes, for every “Silver Bells” and “White Christmas,” there’s a “Christmas in Prison” and “Daddy’s Drinking Up Our Christmas.”
The Everly Brothers put their anguished harmonies to work on “Christmas Eve Can Kill You” “when you’re trying to hitch a ride to anywhere.”
The Pogues’ superb “Fairytale of New York” begins on Christmas Eve “in the drunk tank.”
Jim Croce’s “It Doesn’t Have To Be That Way” lamented that “the Christmas carols sound like blues” because a romance “should never have ended.”
I confess to owning all those songs, and a few hundred more. I love Christmas music. But I especially love weird and sad holiday songs – the kinds of things issued on semiobscure singles and in collections like “Blue Yule,” “A Lump of Coal,” “Bummed Out Christmas” and “Have a Nice Christmas: Holiday Hits of the ‘70s” (just the place to find Wayne Newton’s disco-fied “Jingle Bells”).
Let’s face it. In about a week you’re going to be ready to smash any speaker putting out yet another tinny rendition of “Rudolph” or “Silent Night.”
For many singers, even some interesting ones, the very idea of a Christmas album freezes the imagination and clogs the epiglottis, leading to yet another assemblage of predictable songs predictably done.
As an antidote, there has long been a thriving business in novelty songs and parodies, among them Martin Mull’s “Santafly,” Stan Freberg’s “Green Christmas,” Father Guido Sarducci’s “I Won’t Be Twisting This Christmas” and the Bob & Doug McKenzie version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” (First day’s gift: beer.)
That tradition continues. A recent e-mail touted a CD of holiday-themed songs about lawyers (as in “Let ‘Em Sue,” a parody of “Let It Snow.”) You can find out more at www.lawtunes.com.
Some songs have leapt from iconoclasm to become radio standards at holiday time. The Waitresses’ “Christmas Wrapping” and the Kinks’ “Father Christmas” are both played often enough to take the novelty out of their novelty.
But there’s still plenty of fun to be found in nontraditional Christmas songs, especially when you start thinking in terms of subgenres.
Like the too-much-alcohol songs. “Fairytale of New York” is just one example. Consider, too, Elvis Costello’s “St. Stephen’s Day Murders,” where people drink “till the beer is all spilled and the whiskey has flowed,” or Commander Cody’s “Daddy’s Drinking Up Our Christmas.”
The Cucumbers had the basics in “Ho Ho Ho & A Bottle of Rum,” and Clyde Lasley offered a thorough account of how “Santa Came Home Drunk.”
Then there are songs of economic misery. Root Boy Slim’s “Xmas at K-Mart” is one great example: “I must have died and gone to heaven,” Root croaks, “cause hell is Christmas at the 7-11.”
Jethro Tull’s “A Christmas Song” asks “how can you laugh when your own mother’s hungry?” The Mighty Mighty Bosstones’ “X-Mas Time (It Sure Doesn’t Feel Like It)” includes among its complaints that there’s “nothing you can spend.” The Dance Hall Crashers have some alarming detail about how “I Did It for the Toys.”
You can find no-romance songs, epitomized by Prince’s “Another Lonely Christmas” – also notable for one of the great record labels ever, with Prince looking decidedly unlike Santa.
This group also includes “Alone on New Year’s Eve” (the Manhattans), “Christmas Ain’t Christmas Without the One You Love” (O’Jays) and “Far Away Christmas Blues” (Little Esther).
On the more upbeat side, it’s remarkable how some of the grimmest songs of the season can be toe-tapping. Like John Prine’s “Christmas in Prison,” where at least “the food was real good.”