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Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Walters tries to get handle on ‘Heaven’

The Spokesman-Review

Heaven must be missing a press agent. And Barbara Walters is on the case.

The two-hour “news” special “Heaven, Where is it? How Do We Get There?” (9 p.m., ABC) tackles a profoundly spiritual question with Walters’ patented combination of suitcase journalism and showbiz razzle-dazzle.

Walters’ search for heaven takes her from New York to Hollywood to Nepal. She talks to priests, rabbis, ministers, scientists, skeptics and survivors of near-death experiences. And then she chats with enough celebrities, major and minor, to book “Larry King Live” for a solid week.

Seriously, why discuss the afterlife with a mere theologian when you can talk to Jackie Mason? We learn that not only is Mason a rabbi, but he comes from a rabbinical dynasty.

We already knew that Mason provided the voice of a rabbi (and Krusty’s estranged father) on “The Simpsons,” but for safe measure, we get a cartoon clip of Homer talking to God in heaven, too.

Walters sits down with several people who nearly died and believe they went to a place very much like heaven. They each describe a white light, a feeling of transcendent peace and a real sense of purpose since they “returned” to this mortal plane. Apparently Elizabeth Taylor experienced all of that, too. But she also got to chat with her late husband Mike Todd.

Walters’ vision quest also includes chats with Buddhists the Dalai Lama and Richard Gere. Maria Shriver describes her children’s book about heaven, and Mitch Albom discusses “Five People You Meet in Heaven” (Hyperion, 2003).

Most of “Heaven” eschews controversy and theological schisms, but Walters does visit with several imprisoned terrorists and failed Palestinian suicide bombers who planned to kill innocent civilians and blow themselves up in exchange for a quick trip to paradise. This brief foray into newsworthy heaviness also provides one of the few mentions of the other h-word. One terrorist insists that he’s on the highway to heaven and that Walters is headed in the opposite direction, where a hot time awaits her at the end of the exit ramp.

Decked out in a lovely green outfit that would not be out of place in a 1950s Douglas Sirk melodrama, Walters goes out of her way to hear from all major faiths and spiritual inclinations. Nonbelievers, however, get the shortest stint.

After a professional atheist dismisses heaven as mere superstition, Walters challenges her, arguing, “We can’t prove there is a heaven, but you can’t prove there isn’t one, either.” The atheist falls back on logic, arguing that there is no need to disprove the unproven. “If you insist there is a green man outside the door,” she says, “then the burden of proof is on you.”

Wow – logic, evidence, research, proof, reasoning. Those used to be the ingredients for a little something we once called journalism.

The existence and location of heaven is a question of faith. And believers don’t need “the news” or the entertainment industrial complex to affirm their creed. I think Walters and “ABC News” should be wise enough to know the difference and leave such matters for the theologians.

Other highlights

Howie Mandel hosts “Deal or No Deal” (8 p.m., NBC).

A human limb is discovered in a bear’s stomach on “Bones” (8 p.m., Fox).

Lorelai feels cut off on “Gilmore Girls” (8 p.m., WB).

Making spirits bright on “My Name is Earl” (9 p.m., NBC).

A nun’s secret past may be more threatening than her allergy attacks on “House” (9 p.m., Fox).

Scheduled on “48 Hours Mystery” (10 p.m., CBS): the birth of Jesus.

Undercover as a creep on “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” (10 p.m., NBC).

Two veterinarians need help with wedding plans on “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” (10 p.m., Bravo).

Cult choice

A crooner (Bing Crosby) and a hoofer (Fred Astaire) bring Christmas spirit to a New England resort in the 1942 musical “Holiday Inn” (8 p.m., AMC), featuring Irving Berlin’s ballad “White Christmas.”

Series notes

On back-to-back episodes of “NCIS” (CBS), life after Kate (8 p.m.), and confronting Ari (9 p.m.) … Santa takes one on the chin on “According to Jim” (8 p.m., ABC) … A mysterious friend from the block on “Everybody Hates Chris” (9 p.m., UPN) … Hard times for the holidays on “Rodney” (8:30 p.m., ABC).

An unwelcome guest on “All of Us” (9:30 p.m., UPN) … A mirror prank reflects badly on bored teens on “Supernatural” (9 p.m., WB) … Tyra Banks hosts a reunion of contestants on “America’s Next Top Model” (10 p.m., UPN) … Michael ruins the Secret Santa on “The Office” (9:30 p.m., NBC).