The numbers add up to a productive year

The year is gone and, once again, I have managed to fritter away most of it.

Every year I vow to use my allotted time on earth more productively. We are all given 525,600 precious minutes to use every year, plus extra for Leap Year.

And what did I do with it? I have looked back at my records and discovered the following results for 2004:

30 percent: Sleeping.

2 percent: Half-sleeping with book across chest.

2 percent: Fighting to stay awake until “Sports Center” ends.

1 percent: Just sitting in recliner, “resting my eyes.”

2 percent: Trying to get to sleep after too much chocolate mousse for dessert.

1 percent: Lying in bed, listening to radio until time to get up.

2 percent: Lying in bed, listening to radio even though it is past time to get up.

5 percent: Cooking and preparing food.

2 percent: Wolfing it down.

1 percent: Drinking coffee.

2 percent: Warming coffee back up in microwave.

2 percent: Lying comatose in warm tub, too lethargic to get out.

5 percent: Walking dog.

1 percent: Letting dog out.

1 percent: Letting dog back in, 12 seconds later.

2 percent: Holding conversation with dog about whether he wants in or out or not, under impression he understands English.

2 percent: Holding conversation with cats, under impression they care anything whatsoever about what you think.

2 percent: Driving around town.

1 percent: Trying to find parking space on street because too cheap to pay for lot.

1 percent: Walking half-mile from parking spot on street.

20 percent: Working at chosen profession.

10 percent: Fiddling around on internet, under guise of work.

2 percent: Talking to co-workers about urgent professional matters.

5 percent: Talking to co-workers about food.

5 percent: Talking to co-workers about other, absent, co-workers.

5 percent: Attending important meetings (similar to “resting my eyes,” above).

2 percent: Attending to important financial matters (i.e., checking with bank to see if overdrawn).

2 percent: Random, unfocused anxiety.

3 percent: Totally wasting time on completely worthless endeavor (e.g., golf or fishing).

3 percent: Reading magazines about completely worthless endeavor, as a way of wasting even more time on completely worthless endeavor.

3 percent: Driving long distances to indulge in invigorating outdoor recreation (e.g., hiking or skiing).

1 percent: Time spent actually indulging in outdoor recreation before getting tired and driving home.

3 percent: Watching sports on TV, up to and including team-roping.

1 percent: Reading thoughtful literature about the human condition.

1 percent: Reading scholarly tomes about important historical events.

2 percent: Reading mystery novels in which the sleuth also happens to be a combination art historian/pastry chef/rabbi.

3 percent: Reading about Hillary Duff in Entertainment Weekly and People.

4 percent: Reading owner’s manual that came with digital camera.

1 percent: Mowing lawn.

1 percent: Trying to talk wife into mowing lawn.

1 percent: Talking on cell phone.

4 percent: Attempting to program cell phone.

1 percent: Replying to e-mails.

2 percent: Deleting e-mails.

2 percent: Repairing virus that came with e-mail.

1 percent: Thinking, very seriously, about doing something constructive with allotted time on this earth.

2 percent: Playing computer pinball instead.

(Note: Numbers add up to more than 100 percent because some activities took place simultaneously, as in “working at chosen profession” and “playing computer pinball.”)