Don’t force a friend to choose between love and you, unless you’re ready to lose

Fri., Jan. 21, 2005

Steve and Mia Knight Ridder

Q: My lifelong buddy recently fell in love with a woman, and it has put a serious crimp in our friendship. He skips our weekly poker game, has to check with her before he can hang out and generally seems a lot cooler toward us guys. Should I say something or wait this out?

Steve: As Ambrose Bierce has observed, love is a temporary insanity curable only by marriage or by removal of the influences that caused the disorder. Be tolerant of the fellow and bide your time.

Mia: Whatever you do, don’t try to make your friend choose between his girlfriend and his friends. Then you might lose him altogether.

The intensity of the romance will likely cool, and then he’ll get back in circulation again.

Q: I’m a 55-year-old divorced woman who has decided it’s time to settle down after 20 years of being single. The problem is where do I go to meet men between the ages of 48 and 58? I often get asked out by men 10 years younger or older than that but would like to meet someone closer to my own age. Any suggestions?

Steve: Join, join and join groups, clubs, a church or synagogue. Take a class. Put yourself in as many social situations as possible. Try Internet dating or speed dating.

The more people you meet, the better chance for success.

Mia: And don’t turn down people who are asking you out just because they’re not in your ideal age range. You may be passing up some great guys.

Q: A young woman has a crush on me. She is 22 and I am 52. Would there be any problem with us?

Mia: About 30 years.

Steve: The odds are against this May-December thing working, but it might be fun while it lasts.

Q: I’ve always had a rule about not sleeping with girls who wear bigger underwear than I do. But recently I got drunk at a Christmas party and ended up going home with a pretty big girl. And it was great. I can’t stop thinking about her.

I want to see her again, but I don’t want to be spotted with her in public. Think I can date her in secret?

Mia: No. Either treat her right or pass it up.

But not going out with someone you really like because you’re worried about what people will think is pathetic.

Steve: I have a rule about never drinking anything bigger than my head. But when I do, I don’t try to hide it.

Take ownership of your decision. Don’t be a weasel.

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