Try to get her to reevaluate relationship
Dear Annie: My husband and I have friends who are getting married to each other this summer. “John” is a good friend of my husband’s, and “Marie” is a longtime friend of mine. In fact, my husband and I were the ones who set them up. They were both going through rough patches in their lives, and we thought they could lean on each other.
I have never been that fond of John, and I recently asked my husband point-blank if John had ever cheated on Marie. When he didn’t answer right away, I knew the truth. My husband reluctantly confirmed that John had been unfaithful to Marie on numerous occasions but swore me to secrecy.
John told my husband about his infidelity in confidence, saying it’s OK because he’s “not married yet.” This revelation is tearing me up inside. I think Marie should know what she’s marrying. She divorced her first husband because he cheated, and it would crush her if this happened again.
I don’t want to make trouble in my marriage by ratting out my husband, but wouldn’t it be better if Marie knew about this before the wedding, rather than after? – Feeling Guilty in the Midwest
Dear Guilty: Even though John sounds like a skunk, we don’t want you to betray your husband’s trust. It’s also possible that John was exaggerating when he “confessed” to your husband. Meanwhile, try to get Marie to reevaluate the relationship on her own. You can tell her you have reservations about John’s character and suggest she take a little more time before finalizing her plans. If she has any doubts whatsoever, it’s not too late to reconsider.
Dear Annie: A friend of mine who has been married for a number of years is finally pregnant. I’m sure I will be invited to a baby shower. Just the other day, however, I received an invitation for a celebration for the mom before she has the baby. It’s a “girls’ night out” thing. No gift is necessary.
Why are we supposed to pamper Mom for becoming pregnant? I feel obligated to spend a certain amount at this event because we are friends. I wouldn’t mind getting the mom a little something extra and including it with the shower gift, but I think the “me time” should have been well over when she decided to become pregnant.
Am I just out of the loop, or is this a little tacky? – Girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend: Actually, we think it’s rather sweet to want your friend, whose life is going to be turned upside down by this new arrival, to have one last “girls’ night out” before she turns into a sleep-deprived, spit-up-covered mom. If you don’t want to participate, by all means, send your regrets, but it sounds like fun to us.
Dear Annie: I’d like to respond to “Fed Up in the Southwest,” whose wife worked far away and didn’t come home except on holidays.
It seems this poor woman is carrying the entire load – trying to make a living and keep up with her household, and she apparently has a husband who can’t get in the car and spend some time with his wife. Last time I checked, the road goes both ways.
It is exhausting to work all week and then go home just to turn around and go back again. She probably tries to do too much at home and doesn’t think she can count on her husband to take care of things. He should meet her halfway – getting a motel room so they can rekindle some passion. – Sharing Spouse in Kansas
Dear Kansas: Most husbands are perfectly capable of managing the home in the wife’s absence, but she must allow him the latitude to do it his own way and not stress out over it. We do agree, however, that meeting halfway for a romantic evening is an excellent idea. Thanks for suggesting it.