No time limit set before seducing partner
Q: After how many dates is it appropriate for a man to put serious moves on a woman?
Steve: As Larry David said in “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” “When I was dating, I would wait four months before I made a breast move.” I think younger people move a bit faster these days. Whatever the timing, it must be mutual and sincere.
Mia: Four months? No girl is going to sit around that long waiting to be groped! Of course, the good thing these days is that she may make the move herself. I’ve certainly put the moves on before. So perhaps you should let her take the lead.
Q: My girlfriend is sweet and lots of fun. She’s also very loyal to her friends. A good friend of hers recently went through a bad breakup, and now my girlfriend is with her all the time. And any time the two of us go anywhere, she invites the friend along. I feel like I never get to spend any time with her alone. I don’t want to upset her, or ask her to choose between us. What should I do?
Steve: How cute is her friend? Just kidding! Be sensitive and sympathetic as she helps her friend in a time of pain. After a few weeks, however, it’s fair to let your girlfriend know that it’s important for you to have time alone together. She’s a friend, not a therapist.
Mia: I don’t think suggesting a threesome with the two will help here, Steve. Give it a little time and then suggest that the two of you share a romantic evening alone. Make it a positive idea instead of being negative and dissing the friend.
Q: I love to travel and check out new and exotic places. But my boyfriend just wants to go to the same spot on the Jersey shore each year to hang out and drink beer. How can we resolve our different vacation needs?
Mia: This is a tricky one, because if your styles are that different, it’s hard to keep everyone happy. Try to compromise and trade off on trips. Or maybe take a week, spend a couple days at the beach and a couple days where you want to hang out. Also, there’s no shame in separate vacations with friends or family.
Steve: Compromise is the glue of relationships. A week at the shore with your guy and a week in a hut in Nicaragua sounds about right. If he refuses, grab a girlfriend or your sister and go without him.
Q: My boyfriend and I have been living together for about a year and are really happy. We’ve recently started talking about getting married, which is great. There’s just one thing. He doesn’t want to buy me an engagement ring. He thinks it’s a waste of money that we could use for something else. But I really want one. How can I talk to him in a way that doesn’t make it seem like I’m badgering him for a ring?
Mia: I’m with you, sister. Engagement rings are so beautiful, why wouldn’t you want one? But you probably also want it for the sentimental value, more than the size of the rock, right? So explain that to him, that you want something to remind you of the time you got engaged. And it doesn’t have to cost a year’s salary. Maybe you two could go together and price some modest rings, make it something that involves you both.
Steve: I’ve been married twice and escaped buying one both times. Whew! But since it’s important to you, he should do it. And I agree with Mia’s suggestion that you shop for it together.