Honeymoon or the house?

Q: My fiancee and I are getting married in September, and we are arguing over our honeymoon. Her life’s dream is to go to Tahiti/Bora Bora. But we also bought a house last year and need to fix it up. I’ve tried to talk her out of Tahiti. She says I’m ruining her dream. It’s driving a wedge between us. I have no idea what to do.

Mia: I think you should try to compromise on a honeymoon since you only do it once. Try to find a cheaper deal to Tahiti during the off-season. Or look at places like the Caribbean that would be just as beautiful and cheaper.

Steve: Marriage without compromise cannot long stand. Maybe you could take a modest honeymoon but promise to celebrate your fifth anniversary in Tahiti.

Q: I’m from Philadelphia, met my girlfriend in D.C. (at college), and have since moved to Minnesota with her, where her family lives. I have a chance either to go to law school in the fall in upstate New York or enter a successful family business in Philadelphia. My girlfriend is VERY close to her family and doesn’t want to leave them. She also likes her job and wants to stay there at least one more year. Can you help?

Steve: Getting married is about leaving your family to start a new one. Staying another year in her job sounds reasonable, but if she insists she cannot ever live far from her family, you ought to reconsider your future together.

Mia: Why would anyone want to stay in Minnesota? Ick. Look, is this a girl you want to marry and spend your life with? If so, then you guys need to work out a deal. Maybe she can come with you to law school and you can move back to Minnesota after. Or you can try long distance for a while and see how that goes. If you have to be together, you’ll figure it out.

Q: I’m getting married in a few months to a wonderful man. But I’m having a hard time accepting one thing about him: He’s a card-carrying NRA member and keeps a handgun at his home. I don’t like guns and don’t want one in my home. What should I do?

Mia: Gun people and anti-gun people never see eye to eye. How did you crazy kids get together in the first place? You should talk to him about your fears and note that marriage does mean compromise. If he insists on having a weapon, make him keep it unloaded in a lockbox, with the bullets in a different place.

Steve: The NRA offers some pretty good advice about how to store weapons. Read it with him. Then tell him he can keep the gun but it must be safely stored. That part is non-negotiable.

Q: I’m involved with a man who hasn’t had much luck holding a job. He’s had four in five years. He’s an artistic type and has said that he wishes he could paint full time. We are discussing marriage. I have a good career, and my girlfriends worry that he may end up a freeloader. I do love him, but I’m not sure I want to be the sole support of the family. I’d also like to have kids. What do you think?

Steve: Well, H.L. Mencken observed that “Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.” In this case, I think you should go with your intelligence. You can either have a family or be a charity for a starving artist.

Mia: If you make decent money, is this really a problem? Maybe he could be a stay-at-home dad when you have kids.