Online dating could get her groove back
Q: I am a 33-year-old divorced mother of a 3-year-old son. I so desperately want to get my “groove” back. Please tell me where I could go, avoiding the hoochie mamas and papas, to enjoy myself with people my age or older.
Mia: Well, there’s always the club scene. But with a young son, maybe a good alternative for you on Saturday would be the Internet. Have you tried online dating? There are free sites such as Yahoo Personals, or you could try Match.com, which charges a small fee. If you use caution, these can be convenient ways to meet someone – and you won’t need to hire a baby sitter.
Steve: What’s wrong with hoochie mamas? Anyway, a woman in your position shouldn’t waste a lot of time. Speed dating might be a good option (wherein you get five minutes each with 10 prospects in a controlled environment). Also, if there’s something you love – dancing, reading, gardening, skiing – join an organization devoted to that subject and meet a guy who shares your interest.
Q: I slept with one of my co-workers several weeks ago. We’ve been friends for a while and one night it just happened.Right after, he went out of town on business for a week and never called me. When he came back to work, he started acting strangely. He’s been avoiding me and not speaking to me. Then one day he started screaming at me over a trivial thing. Here’s the thing: I’m not his direct boss, but I am more senior than him, so I could get him fired. Should I?
Mia: I guess you could try talking to him first, but if he’s truly psycho, I say go ahead and get rid of him. And let that be a lesson to him on how to treat women.
Steve: I repeat my admonition for the millionth time: Never sleep with a co-worker. In your case, I suggest you talk to him privately and find out what’s bugging him. But make it clear you’re the boss, and if he can’t comport himself professionally, he’s got to go.
Q: I have been dating this guy for about 18 months. When we got together he was separated, but he has since gotten divorced and moved in with his parents temporarily. We used to be hot and heavy in bed. We’d go out and talk about everything. Now he has nothing to say, and the sex is almost nonexistent. I can tell he has a lot on his mind, but when I ask he says he’s “fine.” He doesn’t even want to hang out at my house. Do you think he’s lost interest? Should I move on with my life?
Mia: Living with your parents can be a downer. Sounds like this guy has a lot going on right now. If he won’t talk about anything or consider counseling, you may need to consider taking a break. He may not be in a place where he can give you what you deserve.
Steve: My dear, I’m afraid you are the “transitional woman.” Every divorced man has one. Rarely do they end up being the second wife.
Q: My ex-boyfriend and I have stayed close friends even though we had a bumpy, on-and-off relationship for years. We’ve been broken up for a year and talk and e-mail a lot. He’s been living in New York but recently decided to move to Philly. I’m worried that it will be hard to stay friends in such close proximity. Or that we’ll hang out a lot, and I’ll never meet anyone else. What should I do?
Mia: The immortal band ABBA once sang: “Love isn’t easy, But it sure is hard enough.” OK, I have no idea what that means, either. I think you’ll just have to take this slow. Tell him about your concerns and spend as much or as little time with him as you feel comfortable doing.
Steve: ABBA? Pardon me while I purge all over my white shoes and powder-blue leisure suit. If you’re worried about getting involved again, make it clear that he shouldn’t plan to see you all the time. Familiarity breeds attempt.