Humor putrid in ‘Hot Properties’
Whenever I’m faced with a sitcom misfire like “Hot Properties” (9:30 p.m., ABC), I’m forced to wonder about the process that created it.
Did a group of writers and producers sit around and say, “Hey, let’s take ‘Designing Women’ and tart it up with dreadful sexual innuendo and crude jokes about bodily fluids, promiscuity and masturbation”? Just wondering.
It’s too bad this property must be condemned, because the premise harks back to classic sitcoms, and the cast is not without promise and chemistry.
“Hot” takes place at a posh real estate agency in Manhattan. Ava (Gail O’Grady) tries to project the image of the serene blonde boss when not fraught with anxiety about her marriage to a much younger (and unseen) man.
Her neurotic bookkeeper, Chloe (Nicole Sullivan, “Mad TV”), can’t find a man, or even a date, and obsesses nonstop about best sellers like “He’s Just Not That Into You.”
Sofia Vergara plays Lola, a voluptuous Latina who appears dimly unaware of her volcanic sex appeal – and, it seems, just about everything else. Recently divorced, she’s still reeling from the fact that she was married for 10 years to a gay man.
The chirpy Emerson (Christina Moore) provides contrast: She’s a preppy who talks about cotillions and her own virginity an awful lot.
As if this ensemble were not “wacky” enough, Dr. Boyd (Evan Handler, “Sex and the City”), a psychiatrist who works next door, pops in for coffee on occasion – usually when the gals are engaged in revealing conversation ripe for “analysis.”
“Hot” is worth watching just once just to see what Nicole Sullivan can do with even the worst material. She’s got great, manic energy and impeccable timing.
Unfortunately, she has to work with some pretty bad and obvious jokes with punch lines you can see, or rather smell, a mile away.
Three contestants enter five weeks of intensive training at the hands of world-famous dancing pros on “Ballroom Bootcamp” (10 p.m., TLC), a new wish-fulfillment/fantasy/reality/contest series.
Over the course of “Bootcamp,” each participant will learn, or at least be trained in, five styles: cha-cha, waltz, tango, jive and rumba.
Other highlights
Manny leaves the bad times behind as the Canadian teen drama “Degrassi: The Next Generation” (9 p.m., Noggin) enters a new season.
A spirit helps save his despondent surviving fiancee on “Ghost Whisperer” (8 p.m., CBS).
Relocated victims of Hurricane Katrina find help on a two-hour helping of “Three Wishes” (8 p.m., NBC).
Vanessa learns to earn on “Bernie Mac” (8 p.m., Fox).
Tom Cavanagh and Sarah Chalke star in the 2005 made-for-television movie “Alchemy” (8 p.m., Family).
A renegade shipmate is suspected of murder “Threshold” (9 p.m., CBS).
A cracked code reveals evidence of a possible assassination on “Numb3rs” (10 p.m., CBS).
“Movies That Shook the World” (10 p.m., AMC) looks at “The Graduate.” The 1967 comedy, starring Dustin Hoffman and Anne Bancroft, also airs at 7:45 p.m. on AMC.
Scheduled on “20/20” (10 p.m., ABC): real estate tips and pitfalls.
George Clooney (“Good Night, and Good Luck”) sits down with host Richard Brown on “Movies 101” (10:30 p.m., AMC).
Cult choice
Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey have the time of their lives in the 1987 romance “Dirty Dancing” (5 and 7:30 p.m., WE). Swayze also appears in the 2004 sequel “Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights” (8:30 p.m., Showtime), but not in a starring role.
Series notes
Destructive kids on “Supernanny” (8 p.m., ABC) … Wrestling on “WWE SmackDown!” (8 p.m., UPN) … Secrets on “What I Like About You” (8 p.m., WB).
A health insurance panic on “Malcolm in the Middle” (8:30 p.m., Fox) … A secret scheme on “Twins” (8:30 p.m., WB).
A pint-size serial suspect on “Killer Instinct” (9 p.m., Fox) … Reports of Faith’s death greatly exaggerate her fame on “Hope & Faith” (9 p.m., ABC) … Van’s faith wavers on “Reba” (9 p.m., WB) … Adult education on “Living with Fran” (9:30 p.m., WB) … Mike Logan (Chris Noth) returns on “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” (10 p.m., NBC).