No sexual compatibility may mean time for new partner

Q My girlfriend and I are both 21 and have been dating for four years. We have a great relationship, but I am desperately trying to get her to spice things up in the bedroom. We have sex only once or twice a month. She gets annoyed when I tell her that at 21 we should be doing it like jack rabbits. I have been romantic and taken her to places that provide absolute privacy and she still says no. Am I being a jerk or should she be willing to try harder? Is it safe to assume that this is a lost cause?

Mia: Sex once a month should not be acceptable for anyone younger than 60. (And you can show this column to your girlfriend.) What I don’t get is why she’s so resistant to intimacy.

If you really love her, then I suggest you see a relationship counselor. In the meantime, masturbation will have to see you through, my friend.

Steve: One of the things we learned while reviewing “Kinsey,” Mia, was that sexual appetite varies widely among people and even within the same person as he or she ages. Some 20-somethings are cold and some 60-somethings are hot. The problem is one of compatibility. Counseling is the way to go. If that doesn’t fix it, find someone you’re compatible with sexually.

Q I started dating this woman I met on the Internet and things seemed great. She was separated from her husband. One weekend he came up from Virginia to visit their kids and said he didn’t have a place to stay, so he stayed there. I told her I didn’t like that, so she dumped me. We talked it out and got back together, but that weekend we were having sex and suddenly she said she didn’t want to anymore. We got back together again, but a few days later she said she needed time to think. She said she would call me. That was three weeks ago. Is this a lost cause?

Mia: Man, this week’s column is like the island of lost causes. This whole thing sounds like a big emotional mess. If this married woman still hasn’t called you, I say forget her. Find someone with a less dramatic personal life.

Steve: The chances of this working are equal to the chances that your next blind date turns out to be Kirsten Dunst.

Q I’m about to move from Philly to D.C., and my longtime girlfriend and I are breaking up. This is an amicable separation, and we want to stay friends. How much contact is normal? My girlfriend says we can talk every day, but I think that’s too much.

Steve: I believe in an appropriate mourning period so you both can shift gears mentally. Otherwise, one or the other will be tempted to fan the embers back into flames. Six months sounds about right.

Mia: I think at least a three-month blackout period is mandatory before you resume what should only be minimal contact.