Washington is waiting for the Baker commission report on Iraq with the eagerness most people reserve for holiday movies. After listening to the same thinking on Iraq for years, there’s excitement about anything that might be a new idea.

But it seems that when a situation gets this desperate, we really need to get back to the basics.

The ABC’s of Iraq.

A is for Anbar, the large Sunni province in the west. After four years of war, according to a Marine intelligence report, al-Qaida in Iraq is now the “dominate organization of influence in al-Anbar.”

B is for Baghdad, and also for Bodies, about 100 of which appear daily in Baghdad.

C is for Civil War, which the administration insists is not happening, with White House press secretary Tony Snow explaining, “What you do have is sectarian violence that seems to be less aimed at gaining full control over an area than expressing differences.”

D is for Differences among Iraqis, which the administration never thought about, and also for Decider, of which there is only one.

E is for Evacuation, a decision made by 1,000 to 2,000 Iraqis a day, from all sides.

F is for Fox News, which has echoed the administration’s insistences that the war was going well, and which Vice President Cheney insists that all TV sets near him be tuned to.

G is for Green Zone, a heavily protected fortress in the middle of Baghdad, where the Iraqi government actually has some authority. Visiting dignitaries sometimes confuse the Green Zone with the actual country of Iraq.

H is for Hosni Mubarak, president of Egypt, who recently explained, “If the coalition troops withdraw right away, the situation will deteriorate even more. If they stay, the resistance will escalate.”

I is for Iran, which the Iraq war has made the dominant power in the Middle East, but which must feel just terrible because the Decider won’t talk to it.

J is for John McCain, who wants to send more U.S. troops, presumably to Anbar and Baghdad.

K is for Kurdistan, the independent country eagerly desired by the Kurds, which would be considered reason for war by the Turks (see T).

L is for Latvia, where President Bush said Tuesday about criticism of his policy, “I understand these doubts, but I do not share them.”

M is for Militias, many independent armed groups that constantly attack each other and civilians, which does not make the situation a civil war.

N is for NBC, which said Monday that it would call Iraq a civil war. The White House didn’t notice, because it only watches Fox News.

O is for Osama bin Laden, whom we’ve never caught, partly because we’ve been so busy in Iraq.

P is for Poland, which announced this week, along with Great Britain, that its troops would be out of Iraq by the end of next year.

Q is for Qatar, a Persian Gulf oil emirate that owns al-Jazeera, a satellite TV news network watched by millions of Muslims, whose coverage of the war does not look at all like Fox News.

R is for Run, which when combined with Cut would be, says the White House, disastrous.

S is for Saddam, but also for Shiite and Sunni. When the White House planned this war, it thought S meant only one thing.

T is for Turkey, which would not let the United States send troops into Iraq from its territory, but reserves the option for itself, which could not be good.

U is for United Nations, whose Secretary General Kofi Annan said this week that it’s starting to look like a civil war to him.

V is for Victory, which the president says he won’t leave Iraq without.

W is for Willing, Coalition of the, which keeps getting smaller and less willing. After next year, it will be pretty much Americans and Australians. G’Day.

X is for X-ray, a domestic security device that we could buy a lot of with what we’re spending every week in Iraq.

Y is for Years, which is how long the White House expects to keep U.S. troops in Iraq.

Z is for Zigzag, the safest way to cross a street in Baghdad – and the likely pattern for how the United States someday gets out of Iraq.