Annie’s mailbox: Distance self from neighbor

Dear Annie: I have a neighbor who is creating havoc in my life. I’m convinced “Ellen” is mentally ill and becoming worse. Her “friendship” has become a drain.

When we first moved here, our children became pals, and I found Ellen to be fun. As the years pass, however, I find the friendship is very one-sided. Ellen has a miserable marriage, does not get along with her family, and has isolated many friends due to her bizarre behavior. She never listens to anything I say; it’s all about her. She is consumed with money and constantly discusses how important it is to her.

Ellen comes to my house, stays longer than she is welcome, and the entire time, she gulps my wine. Since I believe she has a drug-and-alcohol problem, I feel as if I’m enabling her by letting her drink at my house.

The other day, Ellen blatantly lied to me and upset my family in the process. I told her she had violated my trust, but I don’t believe she understands the depth of my anger and how much she has damaged our relationship.

I have been very good to Ellen, but I think our friendship has run its course. I no longer want her coming to my home or involving my family with her problems. Perhaps I should be more sympathetic, but I simply cannot deal with this anymore.

Short of moving across town or telling Ellen that I no longer wish to see her, what are my options? I don’t want this to affect our children’s friendship. – Sick of Being Used

Dear Sick: This is going to affect the children’s friendship, so you’d best be prepared. There are polite ways to distance yourself – being “too busy” to socialize, telling her you are on your way out when she drops by unexpectedly – but it could still cause damage. You do not have to be Ellen’s therapist, but if you think she has mental health issues, you might encourage her to talk to a professional. (Say it might help with her marriage.) It could be beneficial for everyone.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Anxious,” whose 16-year-old daughter is under 5 feet and doesn’t look her age. I am 5 feet nothing and small boned. It was not easy as a teenager. I was not taken seriously and hated it with a passion.

However, she will reap the rewards later. I am now 48 and look 30. It is wonderful, and I am having the last laugh. I exercise and eat right, and I’ve noticed younger men giving me the eye. So tell her to hang in there. Yes, it will be frustrating, but her time will come. – Been There

Dear Been There: A lot of women would be happy to drop a few inches in height to look 20 years younger. Thanks for the words of encouragement.