Here come Santa blogs, here come Santa blogs
When a North Pole blogger I found with a click, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his postings they came — so fast that I thought he just might be insane.
And then, in a twinkling, I stumbled on proof: Many bloggers style themselves Santa, in part as a goof.
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, my fingers hit keyboard to track down those guys.
I whistled and shouted and called them by name, but mostly I separated the cool from the lame.
So enjoy this collection of jolly old elves; you might laugh when you read them in spite of yourselves.
“Santa’s Holiday Blog, clauschronicles.blogspot.com. North Pole Inc. Chairman & CEO Santa Claus has been posting periodic updates here since November 2005. His recent “100 Things About Me” list included some surprises. For instance, he holds a Master’s degree in “SupplyChain Studies,” he gains an average 51 pounds every Christmas Eve, he lip-syncs while caroling to mask his poor singing skills, and Blitzen carries retrieval equipment for chimney-related mishaps. Biggest shocker: “My favorite color is not red. It is blue.” (He also subscribes to 73 newspapers, so I hope he’s reading this.)
“Santa’s Journal, santasjournal.com. Santa hosts a podcast and invites nice little boys and girls to submit their wish lists. However, there are indications the North Pole is no longer immune to real-world concerns. Notes one recent entry: “The Snowball Armed Forces have identified a security risk 300 kilometers from here. Their reconnaissance team… recommends that we send out a team of reindeer and elves to investigate the problems.”
“Santa’s Workshop, santaucl.livejournal.com. Here, Santa blogs about one of his pet peeves — tacky Christmas light displays. He also posts photographic evidence of poor Yuletide taste at uglychristmaslights.com. For a brief video tour of garishly decorated homes narrated by a cranky man in red, visit YouTube.com and search for “Santa’s blog: Xmas lights.” You’ll be glad you did.
“Christmas, mychristmasworld.blogspot.com. Father Christmas channels Martha Stewart at this site packed with holiday entertaining and decorating tips. “Did you have one too many Christmas or Holiday parties to attend last year?” one post asks. “How about hosting a Christmas Brunch instead of an evening party?” Quick, someone whip me up a batch of that Christmas shortbread.
“Santa’s Blog, thisistrafford.co.uk/christmas. Several newspaper and TV sites host Santa blogs during the holiday season. But this one, from the United Kingdom’s Messenger Newspapers, delivers plenty of North Pole dish. For instance, Santa recently suffered a bout of flu, writing, “Mrs. Claus tells me I am a typical man.
That means that I make a lot of noise when I am not feeling well.” My wife can relate.
“Blogging from the North Pole, http://karensscrappin.com.au/xmasblog. Speaking of Mrs. Claus, she’s got her own blog to keep her occupied while St. Nick waxes the sleigh. It’s not all candy canes and gingerbread up there, either. “Santa looks a bit frazzled… He has started mumbling names in his sleep,” she writes. Sounds like Jack Nicholson in “The Shining.”
“Santarchy & Santacon, santarchy.com. Santa’s gone all the way around the bend at this site, which features a schedule of upcoming drunken Santa marches. Anarchic Kris Kringles plan to get their jingle on in Bellingham Dec. 15, for instance, followed by rampages in Portland and Vancouver, B.C. If you’re unclear on the concept, read the “What the Ho?” section.
Finally, in the spirit of cultural inclusiveness, I’m proud to present Festivus Blog, stanthecaddy.com/festivus-blog. (I can’t wait for the airing of the grievances around the Festivus Pole.)
And that’s the end of the column; no really, that’s all. So dash away, dash away out to the mall!